Mere Natalie Johnson

Christmas Lights

2011-12-15T21:01:00.001-08:00

So I dont know if you know these guys, but this is coldplay. Love them. Normally I have a grudge against original Christmas songs just because...we have the classics and everyone knows they're the best...right? Well... so I thought. But I love Coldplay's new christmas song "Christmas Lights." It's kind of a sad song for christmas time, but I love it.

Christmas night, another fight
Tears, we cried a flood
Got all kinds of poison in
Of poison in my blood

I took my feet to Oxford Street
Trying to right a wrong
Just walk away, those windows say
But I can't believe she's gone

When you're still waiting for the snow to fall
Doesn't really feel like Christmas at all

Up above, candles on air flicker
Oh, they flicker and they float
And I'm up here holdin' on
To all those chandeliers of hope

Like some drunken Elvis singin'
I go singin' out of tune
Sayin' how I always loved you, darlin'
And I always will

Oh, when you're still waiting for the snow to fall
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/coldplay-lyrics/christmas-lights-lyrics.html]
It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all
Still waiting for the snow to fall
It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all

Those Christmas lights light up the street
Down where the sea and city meet
May all your troubles soon be gone
Oh, Christmas lights, keep shinin' on

Those Christmas lights light up the street
Maybe they'll bring her back to me
And then all my troubles will be gone
Oh, Christmas lights, keep shinin' on

Oh, Christmas lights, light up the street
Light up the fireworks in me
May all your troubles soon be gone

Those Christmas lights keep shinin' on So Pretty. Check it out.

Mmm Poly Sci

2011-11-16T20:21:00.001-08:00

So I don't know how many of you knew this, but I'm kind of a nerd. Not the kind of nerd that has to look good by getting the absolute best grades of anyone in the class, but the kind of nerd who works REALLY hard on assignments. I usually take the whole amount of time allotted to me. Sometimes that means I get a little frustrated trying to come up with better and better improvements for the assignment...

Like this...

It's okay though because I keep working and somehow things usually work out.

and when I'm done with all my hard work, I get all cozy with my favorite blanket with sleeves...

and curl up by my favorite place in the house.

Meet The Wyoming Girls

2011-10-31T13:25:00.001-07:00

Since most of y'all who read this are family, you've probably heard me talk about Brooke, Katie, and or Lauren. Allow me to virtually introduce them.

Collectively we'll call them "the Wyoming girls" because their street-name is Wyoming. (And ironically, Lauren is from Wyoming!) These girls are my pseudo-roommates. I am with them enough that we could be roommates, and Lauren and I are together so much people could potentially think some funny things about us....

I am really grateful to these girls for letting me tag along with them even though I'm not really a roommate, nor am I even close to any of them in age. But for some reason we just work.

Now you guys can put some faces to names when I'm telling you about my weekend :)

Sleep Help

2011-10-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

Hi friends. It's not super late right now, but as I write this post, I've laid in bed for about an hour and a half or so, just trying to fall asleep. I find myself doing this quite often. Sometimes I fall asleep, but I wake up and can't get back to sleep. Then I'm so tired during the day that sometimes I just crash unintentionally and don't wake up until someone wakes me up. Now, I don't want you to think I'm using my blog as a complaining place, or a venting space! This is not meant to be a post causing y'all to feel bad for me, I'm simply wondering if anyone has any tricks to help them fall asleep. I've tried a few, but they don't work. Anyone have any ideas?

Midterms

2011-10-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Midterms are over...

Praise the Lord!

Learning

2011-09-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've always known that going to college means learning a lot more than just the subjects you're taught in school. One of the most important things to learn is how you specifically and individually learn. Here are some of my discoveries so far...

first of all, I've learned that drinking water (lots of water) helps keep you alive when you're walking across campus all the time

secondly, I've been running a lot more. Exercising is a good break from studying all the time, and it makes me feel like I've had a more productive day. Also, I started getting sick earlier this week, and I'd heard that running can help clear your sinuses when they're gross. I was skeptical, but IT TOTALLY WORKS! I feel so much better today than I did yesterday, and I ran just like I normally do. I started running hills recently, so that's hard, but it's amazing how good I feel!

Now these next couple of pictures are a tribute to Suzan Lake. These are my political science text books. Yes, highlighted and annotated. This method of studying works wonders for me. Weird how different study habits work for different people. What works for you?

So there ya have it. More updates on Infrared, life, and fun to come!

Bad haircuts and their results

2011-09-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

So today I will tell you a story involving much hair trauma.

Two days ago, I went to get my hair trimmed and styled a little differently. I had a picture of what I wanted done, so it shouldn't have been too difficult to get a decent cut, right? HA. I told the lady cutting my hair "I want it the same, I just don't want it quite so stacked in the back, I don't want it to bubble out." So what does she do? She cuts a chunk off of the back of my hair. So now, not only does it bubble, but there's a mullet. to make it even more lovely, she left the sides long. So it looked like I had little wings of hair on the side. Really.....terrible.

To fix my problem, I ran to a neighbor's hair salon and said "FIX THIS PLEASE!" She and all her daughters laughed at me and told me to sit in the chair so they could fix it. Fixing it consisted of cutting the rest of it off. So... now I look like this

I've been told it looks "edgy" and "rocking" multiple times.

THE END.

Humble Beginning

2011-09-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm beginning to feel more and more official. Sometimes you'll find me looking like I do in the picture above.

Sometimes I have very important numbers to check...

With my UofU scrubs and my red shoes, you can tell I love my school...

And one reason people say I'll do well in nursing is because I love my patients and take care of them!

Yep-- it's started!

2011-08-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

Well...it's officially here. SCHOOL. But you know what's cool?? East High school starts tomorrow, and I'm not attending!!!!! That is a happy, HAPPY fact. P.s. Did you know there's a notebook setting on microsoft word, so you can take notes in class like you're writing it in a notebook?? Sweet eh?

Another cool thing I've discovered this semester is the awesome lining on the back of my backpack that keeps my back from getting insanely sweaty. Awesome little invention.

The backpack it's self is pretty cool too!

Well, there's my little update, just so all of you know, I am DESTROYING these classes. They don't stand a chance against me.... hahahahaha

CNA glories

2011-08-17T12:58:00.000-07:00

So, I thought it'd be fun to start school a week early, and take a CNA class from 5p.m. to 10p.m. starting this last Monday. I had no idea what to expect, and just knew as a CAN I'd have to give people showers, clean up their poop, and other fun fun jobs that no one else wants to do. Last night I learned a few key things.....

How to insert a Foley Catheter in males and females (which I've had inserted in me before, and it is not fun)
How to tie "the knot" for restraints (which are rarely used anymore)
Watched two C-sections and a vaginal birth

I knew at one point I'd have to see an old guy's penis, and I kind of worried about it. I just didn't need that picture in my head. However, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. And to my surprise, I found myself thinking "I can handle this..." during the whole catheter-insertion-technique-video. CNA's don't actually insert catheters unless trained and instructed to do so by their facility, but we still learn how.

Now concerning watching the three births. I totally thought I'd be grossed out, but I wasn't. I just kept thinking about how amazing it was that there was a little human growing inside this woman, and now it's here for the world to see and love. Watching the incisions of the c-sections was a lot less painful that I imagined, and the whole process simply fascinated me. I loved it.

I had concerns going into my class thinking that I wouldn't be able to handle the "gross parts" of being a nurse/nurses assistant (which there are plenty of those...) but for some reason those things don't bother me. The things in class that stand out to me are helping those who are unable to help themselves, and that we all do it out of caring for others. It makes me so excited to spend my life as a person caring for others, and trying to empathize with them. We'll see how I feel on my first day of clinicals (I'm sure I'll be a little more grossed out then) but for now, I', so excited to be getting into this field of work!

Organic Apples

2011-08-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

A while ago, I tasted an organic apple for my first time. What's so special about an organic apple you ask? First of all, they're a lot easier to wash, because they're not covered in wax. That's a plus. But the biggest reason is that other apples are infused with pesticides when grown conventionally. (And in my opinion, they taste better, which I claimed before I even knew the apple I was eating was organic.)

I know my sister, and probably my other siblings think my organic apple fascination is silly, but for some reason it's something that's stuck with me. Do you have any silly food stigmas? If so, what?

Vocal Adventure

2011-08-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I had lovely little vocal chords that looked similar to these. A nice grey color, soft, fleshy, and mobile in their vibrating capabilities.

Then, the turned in to something like the picture below. They developed calluses (called vocal nodules or nodes) that made my singing voice sound like... well. Just not good. Last summer, I remember asking my mom if I'd ever recover, and I told myself I never would. It was scary, singing is a passion that will always stay with me, and thinking about the possibility of never singing again scared me to death.

I'm happy to announce, that a year later, after vocal therapy sessions, speech therapy sessions, and weeks of complete vocal rest, my voice is back! Some say it's in better shape than it's ever been! As I've finally overcome my fear of never singing again, I'm starting to become more involved in performing around town, and with school groups.

Yay for healthy vocal chords!

First real update in a while

2011-07-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

So I finally made it out of high school. Many of you know, the day I left the leopard cage could never come soon enough in my eyes. So now, I embark on my adventure at the University of Utah. I can't wait til my studying actually works towards something, instead of being something I just "have to do"."

First on my list of things to do before classes start is get one of these babies. I have a laptop right now, but it doesn't function completely properly, it's heavy, and it has hardly any battery life. I dunno about you, but I don't want to be carrying something like that around campus all the time. The problem with Macs is they're SO expensive. I've been saving all summer, and hopefully I'll be able to salvage one. I hear they're worth the dough though.

My next piece of equipment before school starts is a uniform that looks something like this. I hope to complete my CNA before classes start, and in order to do so, we need to look professional in our...professional uniforms.

I'll also need one of these...

...And one of these.

Needless to say, my real adventure is just beginning. I'm SO glad to be done with high school. We'll see though, how glad I am when I'm in the middle of Biorganic chemistry.

DONE

2011-06-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

Guess who's outta the leopard cage??

The end is near

2011-05-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today I found a big, huge, full-paper-sized envelope addressed to me. I wondered what the heck was inside, and when I looked closer, I spotted the words "health insurance" somewhere on the side. What?? I am NOT getting mail about health insurance. Backtrack a few days-- dad hands me an envelope with my name on it. I look for clues on it to see what's inside. Before I can tell what the mystery package is, dad already starts telling me why I should get a credit card (for credit history) but that if I do fill out the application, I have to make my payments on time (ya know.. the normal parent-to-18-year-old credit card talk) Excuse me? Credit cards? Health insurance? Taxes? (I've been dealing with those at work) I'm not even out of high school. I'm too young for this.

Which reminds me... 10 days until I'm officially a high school graduate. The end is NEAR. But then again... I guess the end is really just the beginning

Hiking

2011-05-23T14:17:00.000-07:00

You may or may not know that I love hiking. Well if you didn't, now you do. I love it. So much! And I am so excited for summer so I can go enjoy my hiking obsession!

oxxo

2011-04-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

More pictures to come...

I love Mexico!

...and Javier

So... all the sudden I need a planner...

2011-04-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

This year, with AP classes, religious leadership responsibilities, musical development and leadership responsibilities, and now WORK, I have become somewhat of a planner. I tend to overbook myself, and forget about things that I've committed to in advance. So I decided to start looking for a planner...

...I've been using my East High planner, which works most of the time for week days, but there's not enough space on weekends, or even on week days sometimes.
I found this one on etsy, and am seriously considering buying it. I'm just a little torn because it's already halfway through the year, so I'd only get to use half of it. Thoughts? Anyone know where I could get a cute, cheap planner?

please allow me to introduce...

2011-03-29T14:32:00.001-07:00

The newest employee of White House Black Market

Welcome to my room

2011-03-05T09:53:00.000-08:00

This is actually my sister Missy's room, but when she decided to get married I though I'd give it a try. Let's admire, shall we?

Full, unorganized closet. The scarfs and bags take up TONS of space.I'm sporting a lovely striped blanket probably from around 1970 on my messy, unkept bed, and I currently use my hope chest and dirty clothes hamper as a means of storage.I love this bed--it's incredibly cozy. Especially when it has flannel sheets and tons of blankets on in the winter. This is probably my favorite! The green and purple walls! While they are artsy and fun, they're a little.. out of date shall we say?

So...What is the point of this post? I'm repainting/revamping my room! I'm hoping to find some cool coat stand things to hang my bags and scarves on to open up some more room in the closet, and I'm excited to start this project and do it myself! I'm sure mom and dad will put in their share of help, but I actually came up with the idea of doing this as an outlet for when I get stressed with school. That way, I can go in and sand, paint, or whatever needs to be done. I have one dream for this room: I want to make it homemade. I have a lot of ideas for some of the things I want to put in to make it fun, but a lot of the things I want are home-makable, and a lot cheaper that way. One item on my list?

This lovely collection, sold at Anthropologie for 600-something dollars, is something I could make. Buy some cool frames, distress them, glue them together. I actually thought of making them into picture frames instead of mirrors. Thoughts? I am very excited to get started and to try to keep costs LOW by making decorations myself, and doing the sanding, painting, and all that fun on my own! Let me know if you have fun ideas!

Grandma and Grandpa would be proud...

2011-02-24T06:21:00.000-08:00

of their newest college student grand child...

Ohh Mexico!

2011-02-19T12:25:00.000-08:00

Is it possible that I'm actually staying in THIS hotel/resort/condominium complex this spring break when I go to Mexico? Apparently! Ha, a bunch of students from East, Highland, a few other schools, and some families are going to Puerto Penasco to paint houses. These houses were built during the time between Christmas and New Year, and now we get to go paint them. I am so excited to be able to help these families. (Along with stay in this beautiful place!) Counting down the days!

P.S. I Missy you Mees

A thought on happiness

2011-01-12T22:14:00.000-08:00

Though many teenage girls would disagree, the set of emotions inside a human being resemble a piano, and the owner of the emotions plays the role of the pianist. This musician might have a crowd of people surrounding him with each person yelling a specific note to play. In a situation like this the screamers try to persuade the piano player to play one thing; however, the only person who can choose which key the pianist hits is himself. Likewise, a person might not have control over the situations surrounding him. Tragic events could take place making it easier to become depressed, or to feel self pity. But no matter how many people yell at a pianist to play Chopin, he still has the ability to choose Beethoven. Difficult situations will always find their way into a person’s life, yet that person will never lose the opportunity to choose happiness.

Living in happiness requires three fundamental steps: 1) keeping a positive perspective, 2) eliminating self pity, and 3) making an active choice. Helen Keller said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Helen Keller, a woman lacking the access to two of life’s most common luxuries, emphasizes the importance of finding an open door to happiness, instead of focusing on what lies behind closed doors. Seeking out an open door does not always mean looking for the “silver lining.” It could mean feeling peace with a situation. In this case, the person may not like their circumstance, but they choose to recognize that they cannot change it, and move forward with their life.

By choosing to find the open doors leading to happiness, people can eliminate the self pity they feel. Harboring the habit of feeling sorry for one’s self increases the difficulty of achieving true happiness. On many occasions, uncontrollable events provoke individuals to feel victimized. A person living in the constant belief that they cannot escape their unfortunate life soon becomes a victim of self pity more than anything else. Like some of the most deadly drugs, self pity possesses addictive qualities, and it separates people from reality. Self pity is dangerous and creates a wall preventing those who indulge from progressing to complete happiness.

Seeing situations from a positive perspective and eliminating self pity have a common foundation; both cases require a conscious choice and commitment from the seeker of happiness. When people allow surrounding conditions to influence them, slipping into disappointment, discouragement, depression, and the deprivation of joy feels justifiable. Negative emotions lie at such an attainable point that the easiness of reaching them often appeals more than the diligence needed to push through and work for happiness. These emotions falsely seduce individuals into believing that happiness is not a choice.

Even with screamers suffocating a blossoming concert pianist, he has a choice to make. Will he bow down to the wishes of those around him and play Chopin? Or will he take control of his situation and play Beethoven? Picture this: the pianist introduces himself. He pulls out the piano bench and takes a seat. He cracks his knuckles in preparation for his performance. Men, women, and teens on all sides of him yell, “Chopin! Play Chopin! We want Chopin!!” The musician takes a deep breath, and begins playing Beethoven’s Pathetique Sonata. The chaos of the spectators increases. They boo and hiss, but gradually, they see how bright Beethoven makes the piano player. One by one, they begin to listen. The barrier breaks. Beethoven got through to those who unwillingly heard him. Through a choice and commitment to bear whatever hardship came from his decision to play Beethoven, the pianist prevailed in uplifting himself and those around him.

Family... Isn't it about time?

2010-10-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

Let me take a minute to introduce a few of my all time favorite people...

Here we have M&M. Missy and Mike have been married almost a year now (crazy eh?) And this just happens to capture Miss in her natural habitat. She always did wish she were Tongan in high school :P (ha, Missy, I hope you liked my face) Anyway, despite some pretty crazy health issues, Missy graduated from college last year, with a BFA from BYU. And that gentleman on the right is the newest addition to our family. He's kind of cool. I guess... Just kidding Mike :) He's a great brother-in-law. I've even asked him questions about confusing high school boys. Talk about a PATIENT bro-ha-in-law!

Now on to Ty and Becca! Hmm... where do I begin with these two? Well, Tyler turned 30 this week-- eek! I have a brother THAT old?!? Haha, just kidding Ty. On his birthday, it was announced that Tyler is going to be one of the chief residents at Stanford Medical School during the 2012-2013 year! Insane much? And his wife there on the right was a part of our family before she ever married Ty. Becca has a degree in music from BYU, along with a nursing degree from Drexel University. Last I heard she was subbing as a supervisor at work. Pretty sure she's worked there less than a year. (I could be wrong on that...) Yeah. She's cool. These four beauties are Kristin, Dave, and their kids, Patten and Kimball. Kristin has a degree in choral education from the University of Utah, and is now working as a chef, taxi driver, babysitter, maid, and professional nurturer-- aka the best mom ever. Dave has a degree in civil engineering from the U, and then decided he wanted to go to law school. So... he went to law school. Dave is a fabulous example to me of a hard worker. He knows that anyone can do whatever they put their mind to, and you know he knows it because of the way he studies, and works hard in other ways. I miss this! I miss everyone singing around the piano and having fun with each other on Sunday nights. I sincerely wish I had taken more advantage of having you guys around the house when I was younger. I miss and love all my blood-related siblings!
And as for all you not-blood-related-siblings, I miss you too! I feel like all of you were members of our family before we ever even met! Thank you all for giving me such great examples, and for your hard work. I see how hard you work, and it makes me want to work just as hard (if not harder) than you, so I can do something cool with my life like you have! Thanks again!

Love my life

2010-09-18T21:02:00.001-07:00

Start with a prayer

Get a little educated...

Take a little break...

Have some "social" time.

That's my life as of late...Fun eh??

Haha, as complainey as that sounds, I actually love it! I've gotten hooked on running, I study a lot, and I feel like I'm actually being productive. Awesome :)

Voice

2010-07-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

I always knew I was the kind of person who felt better when I spoke my mind. I usually bottle things up to a point and then let them out in an explosion of emotion. Here's the deal folks--- it's A LOT harder when you're forced to keep your mouth shut. I haven't been allowed to talk for the last seven days, and it's been EXTREMELY frustrating. If I ever have to do this again... I will be sincerely annoyed. Though, I have learned a lot about how much I talk :) haha peace.

P.s. this isn't meant to be a complainey blog post, it's just interesting how much of a difference talking makes.

Summa Time!

2010-06-22T10:06:00.001-07:00

Yay for summer. It makes me happy to only worry about sno shack and flip flops. WHOO! :)

Interesting

2010-03-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

Everyone who has tried eating healthier told me that after a while.. you don't really have to try. You just start WANTING to eat food that is good for you because it actually TASTES good and you feel good after eating it. While I don't have a perfect diet, I have noticed this. Burgers don't appeal to me anymore, greasy fries make me want to gag, and tonight, I had my first bowl of kraft macaroni and cheese this year and I felt like I was going to have a rock sitting in my stomach for 8 years. I think it's interesting slash cool that my body can tell me when it likes what I'm eating.

Heres to healthy eating folks.

peace :)

and the winner is...

2010-03-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

MSU...

Sweet 16 baby :D

(this is mostly for Mike.. love ya bro)

peace

okay, I have an idea!

2010-03-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

how about this...

lets forget how to

REBOUND

and after that?

how about we

FOUL PULLEN

(who already has 30 points)

LIKE EIGHT TIMES DURING

THE FINAL TWO MINUTES

OF THE GAME!!!!!!

Okay..

sounds good cougars.

ready?

BREAK!

Yes I do participate in the March Madness craze...

2010-03-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

Natalie: Take that Florida!!

Mike Wallace: Amen. And props for knowing/appreciating that

yes. I do know what march madness is. and I may or may not have watched the game during fourth period today. Double-overtime. Fantastic.

peace

MADS

2010-03-04T14:13:00.000-08:00

To whom it may concern.... I am now officially and east high madri-GAL! (courtesy laugh please) :D

Sadies

2010-01-31T12:23:00.000-08:00

So, being the 17 year old that I am, I thought I would update all you fam-bul-ey members (and some others) on my WONDERFUL sadies experience this weekend. So, for a little background, I went with Christian Bennett. (no there is nothing more than friendship going on there :P) We were a group of six couples, which is pretty small, but fun none the less.

So here we go kids.. fasten your seat belts!

First we had a little bit o' this...

To get us ready for some of this..

Which got us all informed on how to do this...

Which is how we got these...

Once all those were done, we got into a little bit of this...

Which eventually led to this...

And finally ended with an entire pie like this...

Ready for some more o' this please...

2010-01-14T18:41:00.000-08:00

Ode to Healthy Eating

2010-01-03T13:09:00.000-08:00

Hello friends!
So I know this is January and it's the month that everyone makes goals and usually loses sight of them by February. We just won't talk about that for now. I'm confident I can eat healthier because I WANT to. I've wanted to for a while, but it's hard sometimes not having contorl over what food we buy at the house seeing as I still live at home. My family doesn't eat "not healthily" by any means, but this year I want to try exploring new foods and ideas so that when I move out I know some fun, fresh, and healthy recipes I can make my family. Sound familliar? Ha, my sister-in-law, Becca, sort of started this whole healthy eating craze in me. Last year, she eliminated meat from her diet (except fish), not because she wanted to be a trendy tree-hugger, but because she thought it would open her eyes to the different healthy choices out there. This year, I plan to follow her footsteps. Again, not because I want to be trendy or because I'm the newest member of PITA, but because there's so much more to food than just chicken and rice. I'm really excited to try new foods and to COOK! I made a deal with my mom that if I did this, I would made dinner two nights a week! I guess I get the better end of the deal because I love cooking so it will be a blast to learn new recipes and cook them for the fam! :)

I plan to carry this on the whole year, though many say I won't last a week-- we'll see what happens!

Peace out :D

It's Almost Time!!

2009-12-26T08:29:00.000-08:00

Can't wait for this! One more day!

<3

The epitome of math...

2009-12-08T20:35:00.001-08:00

Holiday love :)

2009-11-22T12:07:00.000-08:00

Ode to the Sweaty-toothed Madman...

2009-11-18T17:54:00.000-08:00

If you have never seen this movie (The Dead Poet Society) please get off your computer, rent it, and watch it right away. The lesson you learn and the motivation to be better it brings is astounding. Love it.

Go watch it right now. ..Please! :) You WON'T regret it!

I want one :(

2009-10-31T17:13:00.001-07:00

German Shepherds are the most beautiful dogs on the planet!

I want one! :(

A Mother's Love

2009-10-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

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I am not a mother, so I can't say I've ever truly felt a mothers love. Everyone says it's a different kind of love. (I guess a father would feel it too) but every time I see these little boys-- when I hear them laugh, cry, or do just about anything-- I feel a joy I've never felt before. I wonder what I would do if anything happened to them... so I can only imagine the worry and concern that must go through the heads of their actual parents when things go wrong.

Sometimes it's hard for a hormonal teenage girl to remember how much she owes to her own mother. As I sit and think about the horrible things I've said to my mom in times when I feel like I have no control over my anger, the things I've said even when I DO have control over myself, I realize how much more I need to learn in this life. Sometimes I feel like I say things to mom I wouldn't say to anyone else because I know she'll still love me even if I am not always kind and forgiving to her.

If you know me at all you probably know that I get scared of things easily. I hate halloween because it seems like everyone enjoys getting scared...except me-- of course. One thing I am seemingly terrified of is life. Life is hard!! I'm not saying MY life specifically is harder than everyone elses, I'm just saying life in getneral is HARD! I'm just starting to grasp this concept. School is hard this year and I'm more stressed than ever about grades, doing well with violin, medical issues, but I kknow that's what life is and I'm just starting to learn how to take control of it. Sometimes the only way I know how to stay sane is by finding someone I can take out my stress on and because mom and dad will always forgive me it seems they usually get the brunt of "who I take my stress out on." As much as I hated the movie "Where the Wild Things Are," it seemed to sum up my feelings pretty plainly.

"He doesn't mean to act like this-- he's just scared." That's not to say it's okay, but this is just how I feel right now. I know I can get past it, but we'll have to work through it together. Love you mom and dad :)

The Epitome of my Love

2009-10-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

Right now it is like this outside

Which means soon it will be like this..

Which means that the annual competition of this is soon at hand

(for those who don't know what this is a picture of, this is my family and I listening to dad remind us of the official rules of RUNNING CHARADES which is probably one of two things [the other is ping pong] that the Johnson family actually is competitive at.)

Love This Man

2009-10-13T16:58:00.001-07:00

Please listen to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlePsVrExPo&feature=related

Puzzling?

2009-10-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else find the whole... Nobel Peace Prize winner deal a bit puzzling?...
I'm not really "mad per say-- I just don't understand what he's done to deserve the award...

happiness

2009-06-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

Sh-sh-sh-SHOWCASE!

2009-06-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've made a real post-- sorry. School DOES take priority over blogging. :) but I have an ANNOUNCEMENT!

For those who don't know, I played some of my originals in the YMAD benefit concert Mark Macey and Eded Rabdeau (sp?) put on. I didn't know if people would like the stuff, but I did it anyway. I've now gotten e-mails, thank you cards, phone calls, and texts asking when my next performance is and why I don't play more! I can't believe it! I was actually hesitant about even performing in the first place, but now I'm SO happy I did!

I'm playing at a ward party a week from Wed, which will be great fun, but THEN I'm having a showcase in July! I will sing probably four numbers I've worked on with my teacher, a Norah song (to add some style you know? ;))probably two of my own songs, and come what may from Moulin Rouge with a guy from school. I might put a few more in there somewhere but that's the rough outline right now. Come one come all! It won't cost any money to get in or anything, but I will have a basket by the door at the end excepting donations that I'll give to Eden or Mark for their YMAD trip. I'll post again with all the information of exactly when, where, and all that jazz.

I'm excited! Hope you can all make it!

Peace out chubs :)

Summer

2009-05-31T16:35:00.001-07:00

I can't tell you how excited I am for this summer.

one more week.

SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!

Did you know...?

2009-05-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

-1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue.

-There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long (eye hip arm leg ear toe jaw rib lip gum).

-When you die your hair still grows for a couple of months.

-Karoke means "empty orchestra" in Japanese.

-The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

-In Utah it is illegal to fish from horseback.

-Salt Lake City: No one may walk down the street carrying a paper bag containing a violin.

-Birds have the right of way on all highways.

-It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors in Pennsylvania.

-Pittsburgh: It is still illegal to bring a donkey or a mule onto a trolley car.

-Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus in Oklahoma.

- Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant in North Dakota

-in North Carolina Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.

Okay...I'm done with that. Haha, Please note that I'm not sure if these facts are true..I was just bored and found them on the internet so don't quote me on 'em! :)

I've got one last thing to say to y'all...

SUMMER'S ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Peace out chubs!

:D

Swine Flu

2009-05-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

They always said a black man wouldn't be president til pigs flew...I guess they were right!!

Bahahaha :D

Peace out chubs

Seriously..??

2009-04-30T15:32:00.000-07:00

Seriously....

Sometimes teachers drive me crazy.

Especially when they start yelling at you when you didn't do anything.

I'm still shaken up from this morning

Beauty

2009-04-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

Why is it that the best things in life are overlooked so much?

THESE pictures are TRUE beauty and fun.

Nuff said.

Peace out chubs

Sorry it's a little late!

2009-04-21T14:14:00.001-07:00

The Effects of Change

2009-04-14T12:33:00.000-07:00

Cotton ball curls coat a pure angel bound
In human form. Bright pink lines curved into a
Smile invite feelings of welcomeness and
Gratitude. Minute ice bergs pierce your soul
Searching for answers-- true answers-- to
Questions recently asked. Classy colors and
Comfortable in crowds, she independently
Climbs to the top of the healthy, fit, and
Active scales. But soon, the bright pink dulls
To the color of a soft, white rose. Cotton balls
Become rough, silver wires skewing about in
Every direction. Ice bergs melt into clear
Puddles of hydrogen and oxygen, trying to
Stay contained with no container. And ever
So slowly, that angel escapes--
Escapes to the place she truely belongs,
And reunites with family and lovers again.

I love you grandma.

Nursing??

2009-04-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

There once was a girl named natalie.
She worked out a lot because she felt a little fatalie.
She wanted to be a teacher or a lawyer or musician
but then realized she could be a real good physician
Well...physician's assistant that is
but she didn't know if this could make it all through that biz
With a lil too much of this...

And a lil bit more of that...

She realized nursing dreams were goin' SPLAT!!
But then she thought and thought and though
"I can do hard things like this, can I not??"
So she's putting in hours of Chemistry now
Only to greet it this summer with a pow
and then next year AP will stand at the door
to get her a-goin' for year number four.
In college we'll meet for a teaching degree--
that is after CNA classes from CTE
Oh how I love you, you Chemistry thrill

...I just hope I can find that same thrill in math...

Breathing is good...

2009-03-28T11:54:00.001-07:00

This week has been the longest week with the most going on of my entire life!

1) I've had Take 5 ever day and it's been crazy hard! I've been trying to do my best but it's kinda hard when you have both the writer and the director present in the room and they want you to do different things for the same character..very hard.

2) It's the end of the quarter. I'm sorry...but whoever planned Take 5 and the end of the quarter in the same week is a really stupid person. I stayed up til 6 A.M. doing homework and studying for finals because I was at practice and even though I was doing homework when I wasn't on stage I still had to stay up all night. My mom walked in to wake my up and my light and heater were still on and my books were still open and my pencil still in hand. Then the next night I was up til 3. Yeah...bad idea.

3)Federation for violin! Whoo! It's over!...I played a ccrazy hard piece.

That's all I have to say about that.

Here are some highlights of Take 5..

Late night spanish homework

2009-03-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

I hate Spenish (the language)

...and the France (the place)

A note on Big Love

2009-03-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

As I sat in seminary yesterday waiting to get started, my seminary teacher walked to the front of the room and said "Well, have you guys noticed we've been in the news a lot lately?" Everyone just kinda chuckled and said "aren't we always in the news since Prop 8 happened?" Funny funny. Well..I've got a few things to say about Big Love myself.

1) No matter what anyone says it DOES show disrespect. This ceremony is something that not even I (or any youth of the church) are allowed to witness until we reach an age where we obtain the proper understanding of the scriptures and of what goes on during the ceremony. Furthermore, the fact the Big Love needed to hire an "x-mormon" to get the information they needed proves they don't have respect for the LDS church because they knew the church would NOT approve of publicizing this information and therefore would not disclose it. Even though they knew the church didn't want this publicized, they went ahead and found a way to air it anyway.

2) It really frustrates me that Big Love seems to mix the two ideas of being a member of the LDS church and affiliation with polygamy. Members of the church do not (and have not for hundreds of years) practice polygamy. A man who did would not be allowed to enter within the walls of our father in Heaven's house and perform the sacred ceremony that Big Love plans to expose this Sunday.

3)While I do believe all the things I've said, I do have to try and see it from others perspectives. Something that really comes up in my mind is those who may have been "victimized" by the support of Proposition 8. I know that the church didn't target anyone in supporting traditional marriage, but I also know that anyone who feels as if prop 8 is trying to tell them they can't enter in marriage because of their gender could very well feel victimized by anyone who supports it. In a way, all they're asking for is for people to respect what they hold personal to them and to have the decency to let them do as they please and get married. While we may not agree with it or understand it they want US to show them that respect. Is this not similar to what we ask? Outsiders will not understand the sacredness of the temple ceremony and obviously may not ever choose to participate in it. They may not think it's a big deal to expose the it and that the LDS church is just blowing things out of proportion. Yet, we feel--Because it is so sacred to use-- that they should show us the respect and decency to keep the temple ceremony private.

Tom Hanks (executive producer of the show) recently spoke against the LDS church because of it's support on proposition 8 and then apologized. I wonder if this episode is a producer trying to make a point. Even if it wasn't intentional, I can't help but notice the connection and similarities in situation. I have never witnessed a temple ceremony, so I do not fully understand what will be aired on Sunday and that may make it easier for me to see other people's side of the story, but either way, the similarities are there and visible to all. Some may argue that the temple ceremony is of God and sacred whereas gay marriage is just a feeling that doesn't necessarily need to be acted upon. But just as real as the temple ceremony is to us, the love one person has for another person is real to them. Can you see how someone who has no belief in the church may look at the ceremony with the same eyes that the church may see someone hoping to legalize gay marriage?

Just something to think about

Peace out chubs :D

Swimming again??

2009-03-10T17:26:00.001-07:00

So...I've started working out with a friend of mine again and plan on swimming this summer and next season and..next summer and next season.

Today I remembered how much I hate pop ups....

peace

W.W.J.D?

2009-02-28T10:36:00.000-08:00

So...last night we had a sleepover for young women. At about 11:35 we got a text from my friend Sarah's mom that said "Aubrey and Michelle just cruised by...I think to check out their handy work." We all look at eachother and realize we've been toilet papered by our YW leaders. Naturally, we had to get them back, so we loaded up two cars full of girls and toiletpapered our leaders houses and chalked them as well! My favorite thing of the night...

written in chalk on the driveway...

"You could hate us for this...but what would Jesus do??"

Haha, Peace out chubs!! :D

When Life Gives You Lemons...Make Lemonade

2009-02-27T10:20:00.000-08:00

Last night when my friends and I were watching "John Tucker Must Die" like half way through I said "Wow..he's good at making lemonade." Tori looked at me and said "gross..you're sick." and the other two (Katelin and Morgan) just had no idea what I was trying to say. I clarified what I meant and then everyone laughed. I thought it was funny Tori assumed I meant something gross to begin with but..whatever. Haha

Updates...

-Take V is a working progress!! I'm in a play about a bus that breaks down in the Canadian forest and just what goes on while they're broken down. I play Jean who is a girl whos friend drags her on this trip she doesn't even want to go on in the first place. Come see it! I'm excited!!

-Also, the district competition is coming up in theater! YAY! I'm singing a song called "If You Hadn't But You Did" from Two on the Isle. So funny! Look it up on Youtube if you want. It's seriously one of the funniest songs ever. Grey is great to put up with being in it though...all he does is die and then let me beat him up. Funny stuff.

-Tomorrow is Audrey's birthday party!!!!!! Yeeeeeeaaaahhh!!! I've already written posts on how much I freaking love (yes..welcome to Utah! Hahaha) her, but just incase you missed that post..I love her to death. I don't think I've ever heard her talk badly about someone (even when I'm venting to her like crazy) and I just love all the crazy fun times we have together! Haha, like when we go to the park and a man tells her she's going to become mormon someday. Hahahaha. Happy 16th Aud! I love you to pieces!

-I'm in a peer tutor class where I help the special needs students at school. Best class I've ever taken. Ever.

-I love lost!

-I miss M&M

...And that's about it! Ha, peace out chubs! :D

P.S. Sorry I keep changing my template..it's probably annoying..but I think this is the winner...Yay for free blog backgrounds!

Grandma LeNila

2009-02-22T20:15:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, we're taking my grandma into an assisted living home. I've had a hard time with this but here is a little tribute I gave to her in sacrament meeting today...

When I think of “courageous people” I think of people such as Queen Vashti from the story of Esther, Joseph Smith, and Barack Obama; people who make bold statements in their lives and who do things that are recognizable and hard things to accomplish. As I contemplate “having courage,” I realized there is another type of courage, which may seem somewhat timid in comparison to what we normally think of. This courage is demonstrated by those who have the courage to get out of bed each morning, even when they’ve seen tragedy; those who adapt to change not necessarily because they want to, but because they have to.
An excellent example of both of these types of courage is my grandma LeNila. Even if it was just the courage to let the grand kids come over and destroy the house, you can bet Grandma Homer exercised courage through every bit of her life that I’ve known her and still does today. When she attended college at Utah State University, working towards a major in music, her dad called her up and said “sweetie, you’re coming home and going to pharmacy school at the U.” And that was that. She returned to the U and as a result, grandma became one of the first female pharmacists in the state. She also became one of the best pharmacists period! A few years ago my family and I drove down to St. George to witness her receiving the highest award for a pharmacist in the state of Utah. She’s also been recognized at a national level, again receiving the highest award possible. And just think, all these awards and accomplishments because she had the courage to sit in a musty classroom with a group of smelly boys all day and study harder than Albert Einstein? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me!
When I think of grandma and the second type of courage, too many memories fill my mind to replay to you now. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen her laughing and having a good time even when her sweet husband of over fifty years made his transition to the other side. After over fifty years of hearing “whatever you say dear,” probably hourly, and, “well hello there beautiful, how are you this morning.” As they woke up every day, grandma has the courage to face the days after he’s gone. Grandma loves her independence, but she knows she can not do it without our savior. Her humility radiates through everything she does. I know that because of this humility weak things have been made strong unto her and that this is how she maintains her courage as the days pass by. Her courage in all aspects helps me have courage for the little high school things I face each day.

Junior Prizzle

2009-02-15T15:42:00.000-08:00

So...last night turned out to be a lot...different than I expected it to be. I guess lets just start at the beginning and I'm sure you'll be able to tell where things went...sort of unplanned.

For our day activity we went paintballing!!! FUN! It was such a blast but extremely painful. As we all flooded into the small front room we each took turns stepping up to the counter to pay for ourselves and our dates. Sometimes I don't think..proactively and this was one of those times. I brought 50$ because I knew it would cost 50$. I definitely forgot about the tax that might be added to that 50$ cost and consequently ended up paying for 3 dollars and 43 cents in change. I felt my face flush red as I counted out the money and Jackson stood there watching me. I felt really...cool. Anyway, we left Paintball Addicts with welts and bruises awaiting a fun night at GTC (The gymnastics trining center) and the dance.

When I got home from paintballing I walked in, changed, showered, and imediately left to go get my hair done. That was actually really fun and the girl who did my hair was very easy and fun to talk to.

The night before the dance at about 11:00 P.M. I noticed I'd completely forgotten to get Jackson's boutineire ordered when a friend asked me what color and flower it was. Luckily I used to work with the girls at Jolley's so I just texted one of them and got that worked out. When I finished getting my hair done I went home, grabbed some money and picked up the boutineire. I raced home, painted my toenails, did my make up, got the roast packed up, and headed out to pick up the boys with Morgan, Tori, and Megan.

Dinner went perfectly as planned and was rather scrumpcious. I love my mom's pot roast-- and everyone else did as well!!

When we finished dinner we went to the actual dance but only got to dance to a total of maybe 10 songs. We had some confusion with some of our group being there and others not...it was..great fun. We spent most of our time at the dance either taking pictures or waiting in line to take pictures. LAME. About 15 minutes before we left the dance, I started feeling pains in my lower stomach. I felt like my insides were eating themselves. This isn't the first time this's happened, but seriously....did it have to happen at Junior Prom????? I needed to sit down so I quickly told Jackson to have fun and to keep dancing while I went to sit down because my stomach just hurt too badly to keep dancing. He insisted that he come sit with me. I felt bad for making him miss what little dancing time we actually got.

Everyone started getting ready to leave and my stomach still wasn't feeling any better. I tried drinking water and sitting/standing in different position s but I still felt like crap. When we walked outside Jackson stopped and asked if I wanted his jacket because all I had was a little scarf/shall thing that didn't do a very good job at keeping me warm. I accepted and he helped me keep my balance as I stumbled over to the car. I got in the car and my group all pitched in to help me feel as comfortable as possible. They even reclined the seat back for me and Josh and Jackson doubled in the front seat so I'd have room to lay down. At one point I just had to start laughing because I really felt like if anyone saw us in our situation they'd think I was having a baby because here I am like grunting and breathing heavy while jackson's in the front seat with his arm draped over the back of the seat holding my hand and saying "if you need to squeeze my hand you can squeeze as hard as you like and I promise it won't hurt me."

Anyway, after my pain went down thanks to some pain meds and coke from Josh, I started getting really dizzy. I literally couldn't walk without falling down. It was really weird because when this has happened before, I've always gotten dizzy but never to the point where I couldn't walk.....maybe it was just because I was wearing heels. Because of my dizziness, Jackson ended up carrying me to and from the car and numerous other places the rest of the night. I felt so bad. I really....I like...whatever. Josh carried Morgan around part of the time to so I didn't feel quite so stupid.

After we went to the gym we just went to Morgan's house and chilled until about 1:30. The rest of the couples played spoons, but again, Jackson insisted he sit out with me and let me use his lap as a pillow while I laid on the couch. About half way through the game, Morgan switched in as my pillow.

I felt so dumb and like I'd ruined everyone's night and am so greatful for the group I was with. It could've been so crapy, but with everyone trying to help me feel comfortable I still had an excellent time. Everyone made me laugh and I couldn't have asked for a better group. They put up with me while I was sick and were flexible when plans changed all because of me. Like I've said...I felt so stupid. But everyone kept reassuring me that it was a blast and not to worry about it. To top everthing off, I walked in from Stake Conference this morning and my dad handed me something he'd found on our porch earlier that day. It was a box of Toffee (my favorite thing in the entire world) with a note from Jackson. It again, reassured me that he had a fun time and he hoped I felt better.

A lot different than planned...but still an amazingly wonderful first formal!! :D

Peace out chubs!

Heroic in Their Meekness

2009-02-04T16:02:00.000-08:00

So, I'm sure everyone who's ever been in an English class knows what I'm talking about when I say "the classic hero essay." It seems like every year since seventh grade I've written an essay about who I look at as my hero. When Ms. Peterson assigned this to my class this year I decided to try to think about it in a way I'd never thought of before. As I sat in my seat contemplating our bland prompt, I realized something. I finally knew who I REALLY felt is a hero in my life. Sure, every time before I'd written about fire fighters or teachers or whatever, but this time I really do believe these people to be true and everlasting heroes.

Have you ever walked down the hall and seen some football player picking on the scrawny chemistry nerd? Or walked into the lunch room and seen a bunch of jockey boys harassing some kid because they know they can get a reaction out of them? Have you ever noticed how much people who don't deserve in the slightest to be pushed around get pushed around...ALL the time?? These individuals are my true heroes. Maybe they're just scared to stand up for themselves. Maybe they're just trying to let others have the glory. Maybe they honestly don't know HOW to stand up for themselves. Whatever the case may be, they are heroic in their meekness and courageous with discretion.

Sometimes I wish it were dorky to play sports. Sometimes I wish it were cool to have learning disabilities. Sometimes I long for the "cool kids" to get a minuscule taste of what the "dorks" go through every day. I had a friend of mine come play dodgeball with another group of friends I hang out with and I. She came and then began crying when we got home because she was picked last every round. Now, I'm not saying she's a "cool kid," in fact, she's one of the kindness people I know, this example just came to mind to prove my point. She began to cry and was so hurt by the fact that she'd been chosen last for a stupid game multiple times in one night. Try living this sad reality your entire life. Chosen last in games. Chosen last in group projects. Chosen last in friendship. Chosen last in life.

Thank you, "dorks," for letting those who don't deserve it have the glory. Thank you for letting others control what you do and giving them the satisfaction they need to survive high school. Thank you for having enough belief in yourself that don't need to make others feel bad in order to make yourself look cool. And to all those "cool kids" out there, think before you speak. If anyone treated you the way you treat the "dorks" you just might find yourself crying because you weren't picked first. Grow up. Remember you don't always know the whole story, and try to be nice to everyone. It sounds corny, but it's not corny to the "dork" who gets a new friend out of your consistant effort. :)

Peace out chubs

Don't worry, Be Happy!

2009-02-01T10:56:00.000-08:00

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.

--Anne Frank

Sadies in a nut shell

2009-01-27T15:23:00.000-08:00

Tori helping me make my shirt after we took our three hour power nap at like one. This was the party at 4 A.M.!!

Daniel and I pullin' some West Side Story snaps!

Oh how I wish we could have stolen these and taken them to the actual dance!!The incredashirts.. nuff saidHe saw his ball was going in the opposite direction he wanted it to and did that with his legs...I just thought it was funny
They were going for the same pin and just LOOK AT THAT FORM! haha...I still like the way I bowl better though ;)
We were having a party bouncing on the crown burger booth bench things. Surprisingly...I didn't start it. He did. Aren't we perfect for eachother?
Need I say more??In honor of uncle Dave I can now officially say I've had Crown Burger and love it!We were squished into the car and I was sitting on a seat belt. We decided this was going to be a smiling picture. When we went over a speed bump....this is what it turned into...posessed and..well I don't know what I look like....When we did our road rally we ran down the sugarhouse sledding hill. I fell down it like seven times when I was trying to run up it. It kind of hurt.

Abortion

2009-01-18T08:15:00.000-08:00

A few days ago wrote a post based on my perspective on abortion. When I wrote it, I was very riled up and abortion is something I feel is extremely overlooked and am very passionate about. While I agree with all I said, I also feel badly because I made it seem like I'm stuck in my own thoughts and there's nothing anyone can do to change it. That's not entirely true. If someone can argue their case and give me a good reason to think otherwise... by all means feel free! I hope to lay out my opinions in a more organized and open minded manner, and hope all can at least see where I'm coming from. I'm not asking you to agree-- just see where I'm coming from.

The first thing to think about with abortion is whether or not the baby is in fact alive. I'm not exactly sure how to argue my stand on this except to say what are you if not alive and have your own heart beat? How is something (or someone) not alive when they have a regular heart beat and a developing body of their own. At the end of week three in a pregnancy there is an irregular heart beat in a baby and by the end of week six the heart beat has become rhythmic and regular. Yes, the baby is completely dependent on the mother for survival at this point, but how many others do YOU count on for survival? Yes, you could leave home and depend on others outside of your home to sustain your life, but you still depend on something or someone. The fact is that it's everyone depends on others to live. America depends on China to live for crying out loud!!!!! (Haha, that was a joke hahaha)

In my last post I said something to the effect of "abortion IS murder UNLESS in the case of self defense." Someone brought it to my attention that you can't fully support your opinion if you use the word "unless" when you're trying to back up your statement. I agree to some extent. I try to keep my views on abortion within the boundaries of black and white. None of this gray in-the-middle-crap. Usually, when you're making an argument, the word "unless" introduces this gray middle area and you can't really find a way out of it. In this situation though, that is not the case. It is perfectly fair to say abortion is murdering/killing an innocent child UNLESS the mothers life is in danger. This argument is fair because..

If the mother's life is in danger the child is not innocent. The child is in the act of taking the mother's life away, therefore the mother should have the right to defend herself and her life and take the babies life away in self defense to her own life.

If a pregnancy is ended because the mother's life is in danger it's just like ending the life of someone pointing a gun at your head when you pull the trigger before they get the chance. Yes, you killed someone, but if you hadn't have killed them they would have killed you. Would you get put in jail if you killed someone with this context? No. But would you be put in jail for killing someone who was completely innocent because you were having a bad day? Yes. So if these things are true with human beings, should they not also be true with human fetuses?

A final point I'd like to address is that of forced pregnancy. This is a tough one for me because while I see the mothers side of it I also see the child's. The mother had no choice in bringing the child into the world...but neither did the child. In carrying the child for nine months the mother obviously feels an extremely and unbelievably large amount of discomfort and emotionally is strained to her wits end. Every time that baby kicked, the mother would probably flash back to the situation that brought this child into the world and it would take an enormous mental toll on her. I see that. I understand that. I know it would be extremely hard. But even though it's hard...the fact still remains that it's not the babies fault. The baby didn't just say "okay, I want to come into the world now so I'm going to magically appear in this woman's womb." The only person to blame is the one who impregnated the woman--and once again that's not the child. While I can understand why one would think this is a legitimate reason for an abortion I have a tremendous amount of respect for those who carry the baby full term and put it up for adoption and or whatever is deemed best in spite of her contrary feelings.

Again, I hope I haven't offended anyone, and I hope this was a little more informative and a little clearer than my last post. Peace out chubs! :)

The "Change" America needs?

2009-01-15T13:37:00.000-08:00

Five days from now will be a day studied in American history for years to come. Everyone alive now will always remember the day the first African American president was inaugurated and sworn in as the true president of the United states, and those who aren't alive will wish they were. Though I disagree with some of his "plans," I am proud to be an American and see that our nation can honestly look past the color of a person's skin and vote based on what someone stands for and what the person who they think will help our country the most in office. I've tried several times to write a post based on my views and perspective of things on politics....I always have too much to say. While I am proud to be a part of this historic event, I can't stop wondering a few things. I hope not to offend anyone and plan to share some things I disagree with. Just because I disagree with him does not mean I'm bashing him...so please, if you think I've said something disrespectful about HIM (not what he stands for) but HIM, I'm so sorry. Also, if anyone else tells me I'm "racist" because I don't agree with some of the things Obama stands for...I will backhand you.

TAXES: Who is Obama actually helping by taxing the higher/upper class more money? Here's the thing, the upper class use their hard earned money to buy things like cars, boats, pay for their electric bills, and other things like that. Speaking of the boats, cars, ATVs, and other fun toys, isn't that where some of if not the majority of the lower and middle class people work? Isn't that how THEY have their income? So won't Obama's plan actually HURT the lower and middle class citizens? If the upper class is being taxed out of their mind and doesn't have the money to buy those toys who's going to buy them? And if no one buys them how will those businesses keep from going under?? How is putting people out of work helping them? Yes, they don't have to pay as much money to the government, and YES, they can choose to be lazy and NOT work their butt of at school. They can CHOOSE to be the ones who screw off and cheat and not do anything with their education and those who work hard and try will just pay their taxes.

Now I understand that it's not always your fault if you live in the lower and middle classes, REALLY! I do! And, I don't mean to sound harsh but can't you see how this plan might promote laziness and the bare minimum? Can't you see how with this plan the Americans who work hard and earn money will eventually say "Well...I don't really want to work this hard because the money I make that should be mine for working my butt off is just going to the rest of the American citizens who 'can't' pay their taxes. So...I think I'm going to let someone else pay mine for me." Who's going to pay for the lower and middle class when we all become the lower and middle class??A FEW POINTS ON ABORTION:

1) Abortion IS murder...unless you have another word for spilling innocent blood.

2) There are many who say "Well...you can't let some and not let others." I completely agree UNLESS the mother of the child's health is in danger. If there is a life threatening case..yes, an abortion would be the practical thing to do. If someone is trying to kill you and you kill them in the process of self defense, yes, it's different than if you say "well...that man just stole all my money, so I'm going to kill the next person walking down the street."

3) I realize that Obama says he does not "support" abortion--he doesn't think it's the best thing to do. But he HAS said he doesn't have the right to tell someone else they can't have an abortion in respect to the mother. Yes, the pregnancy is uncomfortable. Yes, it brings back horrid memories. BUT in the Constitution it states that it is a federal crime to kill an innocent person--how then is abortion even an issue??

Sophomore year part TWO

2009-01-04T10:17:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas break, and am very sad, obviously, that it's over. But there is a good thing that comes with the end of winter break-- the second half of the year. Winter break's over..the next big break we have in school is spring break, and then summer!! Yes, we have a few days off here and there, but when it comes to actual WEEKS off school...that's where we stand. Only one more til summer.

I love learning and I love school, but at East, it almost seems like learning and going to school are two different things. I've already written posts about that so I won't keep going on about it. The point I would like to make, however, is that I don't want to get out of school so I can...simply be out of school. I want to fulfill my requirements at the end of junior year and take Madrigals, Ac'cepella (sp?), AP Literature, Productions, and the rest of my classes up at the U senior year. If I didn't care about throwing away a whole year of leads in productions I wouldn't even stick around East at all. I'm on track to graduate early, but doing so seems stupid when senior year is the most likely chance I'll have to be leads in shows, and to be a leader in musical groups.

I'm helping Clayton Middle School with their show, "Peter Pan", which always helps time go by extremely fast for me--so that will be good. I also have Take 5 coming up, and "school" to keep me busy. Time still seems to go by so slowly. Do you think I'll ever get out of high school? I'm not trying to wish my life away, but I can't stand the ridiculous things that go on in highschool and people say "Oh..well they're in highschool...they'll learn sooner or later." *sigh*...whatever. Haha, sorry, this turned into a sort of complainey post.

*~*~*~UPDATES~*~*~*

-Winter break was amazing! Even though I was flat in bed for the first week because I was so sick, the second week made up for it! My family came in town and we had a late Christmas celebration on Monday! I got a cell phone and COWBOY BOOTS!!!!! :D

I don't know if anyone could tell, but I'm a wee bit excited about these beauties ;)

-On Tuesday I went on my first date which was a blast. We went to Cafe Rio and watched Nacho Libre and played guitar and talked. Just sat and talked. It was so much fun! When we played guitar for eachother, he played a song called "Waiting on an Angel" by Ben Harper. I'd never heard it before and loved it. He played a bunch of other songs too--they were all great!! But...I don't even really remember what they were! Haha, I just LOVED "Waiting on an Angel"

-My family and I have a small addiction to the T.V. show LOST. ..We watched about 6 and a half hours of season 4 on Wednesday. That's a little embarrassing..

-Eagle Eye is a GREAT movie! We watched it last night and loved it! I love movies (and T.V. shows) that make you think and keep you wondering what's going to happen next! Eagle Eye does that to the extreme! If you haven't seen it...do! The language is somewhat bothersome at certian parts, but the movie as a whole is great! Very intense!

Well, I think that about does it for me today.. I have church soon. Haha, peace out chubs!

Cafe Rio Salad Dressing

2009-01-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

This is just another random thought, and I don't have much time because I have a violin lesson in about a half an hour.

My family and I were at Cafe Rio and my nephew was there with us. Those of you who know my nephew know that he...likes to eat. He seriously would eat anything if my brother and sister-in-law let him. As we tried to find an unoccupied table in the packed restaurant, my nephew, Patten, reached for the green "House Dressing" Now...everyone who's eaten at Cafe Rio knows that the house dressing is like the best salad dressing on the planet, but, if we were to have given it to him, we all knew he would've just chugged the whole thing mindlessly. Gross. It's like eating butter plain. Gross! But with bread or toast or a roll or something butter is great and adds flavor.

Look at this in comparison to our lives. Sometimes there are things that are good..but not until later when we can put it with something else. Eating the Cafe Rio Salad Dressing by its self tastes worse than eating the cheapest salad dressing there is on a salad. Sometimes, we need to just be patient, and even though something looks good and appealing, we need to wait in order to give it the full effect because otherwise it can be something that changes our lives-- and not for the better. We need to WAIT and be patient so we can have the flavor the dressing has to offer if used in the right place at the right time.

Well, that's about it! Good luck tonight Utes! Peace out chubs!!

Ode to Christmas time

2008-12-29T10:22:00.000-08:00

My siblings were all at their spouses and boyfriend's house over Christmas day, so we had our own little celebration today and yesterday when they came home. Christmas time makes me happy. That's all there is to it, but there are a few things that make Christmas...CHRISTMAS!

1) It's not about the day you have Christmas on. Yes, it's an official holiday on December 25, but is it any fun if you have no one to share it with? When my family walked in yesterday I started crying I was so happy they were there! I know-- embarrassing!! Haha, it was actually kind of funny because my brother and sister in law were hugging so many people that I ended up crying in my sister's boyfriend's arms. Bahaha

2) Without the ones you love there, Christmas isn't half as good.

3) Cowboy boots and turquoise rings make the world spin around.

This is obviously the ring I was talking about earlier. Yeah...my dad has good taste ehh?

And these are my cowboy boots! YYYEEAHH! If I had it my way I'd live on a ranch in Montana with my horses and cows. ..If only dreams were a reality ;)

Merry Christmas all!!

Peace out chubs!

Just a thought

2008-12-27T10:13:00.000-08:00

One night my family and I were all sitting in the living room talking to some friends of ours. About halfway through our conversation one of the men (there were two of them) reached over and handed me a piece of paper with two airplanes on it. One was the Wright brothers (Sp?..that's embarrassing...) first air plane and the other was the most advanced technologically that we have today. Our friend talked to us about how these air planes represent our lives. We build our own plane. It's not like having the Wright brothers' plane would be bad-- at least it's an airplane.. but wouldn't it be so much better to have the technologically advanced plane? You could do so many more things and have so many more things and give such amazing things.

After our friends left I took this thought a step further in my head. You build your own plane, right? And the plane represents our life. After we decide what we're going to do with our life and choose a career and have built our airplane, what next? Have any of you ever seen that old movie "The Even Stevens Movie?" It was a T.V. show and then they made a movie out of it. Anyway, in the movie, the Stevens family thinks they're going to some tropical island to participate in a reality show, but really they get in an airplane and ride around in circles for hours and then land at a local beach the T.V. station has disguised to look like some far away paradise. Think about it..What if we applied this to our lives. We first build our airplane, and then WE decide where it goes! WE choose if we want to ride around in circles for hours and then land back home or if we want to ride in the plane for hours and end up in Paris, France. Or wherever you might want to go the most. We are the pilots of our own lives. We decide..no matter how much we wish it were up to someone else..it's our life; our plane; our destination. What will you do with it? ..Just a thought

Twas the night before Christmas...

2008-12-24T07:30:00.000-08:00

Oh man, tonight will be such a blast! I've got the Christmas Eve party here with my family and I Missy, Mike, Dave, Kristin and Patten will be there along with my parents and all of my dad's extended family! Talk about HUGE HEADACHE! ...And LOADS OF FUN! Hahahaha, I'm quite excited to say the lease.

Hmmm...I don't usually do many updates on this thing, but I guess I might as well ehh?

-I got sick starting about...last Wednesday. My glands were so swollen I honestly didn't know if they were my glands or not. They were bigger than they'd EVER been before! I had little white cuts all over the back of my throat that made me want to throw up when I saw them, and for part of the time I was so tired I couldn't even stand. ..I'm sure you all REALLY wanted to know that, but I'm better now! SO WHOOO!

-I finally took my Christmas presents around last night. I gave the usual..lotions and creams. With the occasional "grow your own aquarium" and toy elephant. Haha that was a lot of fun...OH! And I gave Tori a 10 pack of juice boxes because she always gives me her juice at lunch! Hahaha, I don't know if you guys could tell, but I'm not exactly in to the whole "nice present" thing. I don't know why..I'm just too lazy or something. so I just go with the 2 dollar toys at Albertsons ;) (P.S. I haven't given out all my presents yet, so if you read this and haven't gotten one yet, do not dismay!)

-When I took my presents around I sat and talked to some of my friends which was fun because I've been cooped up in my room for the last little while. I talked to Tori and she was very happy about her juice, haha. My favorite quote from last night was definitely when Thomas introduced me to his dad--

Thomas: Dad, this is Natalie, she's Dave Johnson's little sister...Dave was good friends with Ben in highschool. Do you remember him?

Thomas's dad (Sad, I didn't even catch his name): Oh yeah, I remember Dave!

Thomas: She had a crush on Ben!!....when she was like 6!

TD: Oh, well good thing you got over that, haha.

Thomas: Yeah, she had a little trouble when she found out he was getting married.

Natalie: Yeah, it took me a little while to get over myself, but I eventually was okay!

TD: Well, it's nice to meet you, Natalie!

*Thomas's dad begins walking away...*

Thomas: OH! And she's a BYU fan!

TD: ....Oh....Well...don't keep her here too long, son.

Hahahahahahaha this is pretty much how his conversation with my parents went when they met when he came over to wish me happy birthday. Except, instead of ME bringing up that he's a Utah fan HE did and my parents thought he was a "great guy."

-It's sunny outside...which kind of worries me because it's Christmas Eve and it looks like there's not chance of recieving any more snow than we've already got! :'(

-Tyler, Becca, Dave, Kristin, Patten, Missy, and Mike will be here next week for our Christmas celebration. All those people will be away for the actual Christmas day celebration, so we're having our own Christmas next week when all of them can be present. My mom, dad, and I are opening our "Santa" presents tomorrow morning and then waiting to open the rest when everyone else can be there with us. I'm excited for our traditional game of Running Charades...as long as dad doesn't pick like...Laurence Welk and Great Expectations again. I'm going to have to sing Taylor the Latte Boy for Becca so she knows what it is this time around ;) AND....I'm gonna have to have a friend come over and play with us because now that Missy has Mike (hahah M&M!!! Never saw that one before) we have uneven teams and TRUST ME!!!!! Mike really does make a difference! When he was on Missy's team they always won! And when he was on my team WE always won! So....I'm gonna have to make the teams even this time.

Hmm...I think that's about all the updates I have for now...

Merry Christmas everyone! I guess I'll make this blog post all the more cheesy and end it with one of my very favorite Christmas songs.

I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams!

Merry Christmas all! And Peace out Chubs!!

Acidemic Integrity

2008-12-16T14:56:00.000-08:00

Okay everyone, I know I've written about school before, and I know everyone thinks it's the most boring topic ever, but I need to write again. I need to vent and I need to introduce some ideas to everyone who reads. (which very well may be like three people...but that's okay.)

Cheating.

This particular type of cheating may not go on as often as other types. But, really, what IS cheating? Does taking a friend's worksheet and writing down the answers as your own count as cheating? Is it bad to do? Does it really matter? Maybe it doesn't matter for that specific class...maybe it's not a big deal. But if you do it in one class, what's to say you won't try to do it in other classes as well? What's to say you won't cheat in higher places like med-school or try to take a short cut in surgery. Maybe you didn't pay attention in your English class on how to properly write an essay and you just had someone else write it for you. Then when you're applying to college you write some crap essay that gets you no where-- if anywhere farther away from where you WANT to be. Maybe you didn't pay attention in that math class and you copy the answer from a friend. Accidentally, you leave the negative sign off the answer. Meh...no big deal. Well, imagine a few years later, you're an engineer and you have a similar type of promlem. You do everything right on the problem except put that little insignificant negative sign on. There is no partial credit this time. You're not just risking your grade. You actually send in your calculations and they begin to build the bridge you did the calculation for. About two weeks after they build the bridge you turn on the news only to find that your bridge has fallen down. ONE LITTLE negavite sign made your entire bridge fall down. (As much as that may seem like a made up scenario, it's not. I know a guy who actually had this happen.) So what's the big deal? I'm just in highschool, it's not like I'm building bridges or anything. Does that mean it doesn't matter? Cheating happens WWWWWAAAAYYYY to frequently at East High School, and I'm sure other schools as well. We need to take a stand as students and say NO to cheating. WE are the future leaders of America. WE are the future surgons and doctors who will be cutting into real people whos lives depend on us! WE are the future lawyers. We are the future teachers. WE are the future of America. If all we do is cheat right now, who's to say we won't just cheat later.

Teachers

Not only do WE, as students, need to have integrity and do our own work, but we also need teachers who care and WANT to teach us. People often overlook the importance of good teachers in the highschool environment because...well I don't know exactly why. Maybe because it's just highschool and it really doesn't matter THAT much. Maybe it's because people don't realize just how bad some of the teachers are. Maybe they just don't really care. I'm not exactly sure. A teacher is one of the single most important people in an adolecant's life. Not only do they teach us, but when we walk in to that class room we hand over a part of our educational future to the one who operates that classroom. OBVIOUSLY we have to do the work they give us. OBVIOUSLY we need to try hard in the class. But we CANNOT do it alone!!!! We need the help of the teachers! We need to get the information needed to perform well on tests and other measurements of logic. We should not be expected to learn things by ourself from the book ALL of the time. I know learning from the book is an important skill, but it should NOT be expected all the time. Teachers should be in the teaching environment to teach. Not to earn money. Not to simply get by. If you expect us students to spend more than half our lives with you then you better be willing to teach us what we need to know to pass AP tests, pass classes, and just be an overall intelligent person. Teachers need to make rules and enforce them. Make them AAAANNNDDDDD enforce them.

Students

Students!! We have just as much responsibility as teachers do in sculpting a good learning environment! We MUST do our homework. We NEED to be honest about it! We NEED to pay attention in class. We need to do what we can to become intelligent. If we don't take in the information our teachers feed us, why should we expect them to feed us more? Do not ask friends if you can copy their homework because you were up late last night. Do not think it's no big deal to talk through the teacher while they're trying to teach. Do not aim to be the class clown. Do not try to be defiant towards your teachers. Most of what I have to say about students is up where I talked about cheating. Seriously, if we're going to spend six hours a day in school, why don't we learn something while we're there.

The things I've talked about all mix with eachother. You need all of them to have a good learning environment. Without one it's like taking the bottom block off of a tower of blocks. Everything comes tumbling down. One more thing we need to finish off our learning environment is respect. There are times in school, and in other places I'm sure, where it's not about learning anymore. It's not about having a good education. It's about respect. Simple respect. Without respect we lose everything. I want to be able to trust the people who operate on my body in the future. I don't want to have to tell my parents my teachers don't care about cheating anymore. I don't want to have to say no to my friends who want to cheat off me because it's so normal anymore....do you?

Thank you for the water

2008-11-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever tried to describe the taste of water? Water is SO GOOD! I love it! Whenever I drink it (especially when I'm really thirsty) it tastes so refreshing and wonderful! But.. it's kinda hard to describe it's taste. Haha, I don't know. I just can't really do it. To me it tastes plain and..like water. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to describe water during hard moments of my life. I feel things so deeply and so passionately and yet.. I can't express my feelings the way I feel them. Sometimes it's because I'm not necessarily supposed to feel the way I do. Therefore, if I show how I feel or tell others how I feel I get punished for it. Sometimes I really, truly, just can't explain how I feel. It seems impossible.

I know everyone's going to do this because Thanksgiving's coming up, but I want to write about some things I'm thankful for. Starting with....

MISSY!!! Haha, I know I've written about her before but I have to write about her agian. I love her to pieces. I love her THIS MUCH *stretching arms out as wide as I can* The example she sets to me is the best example I could hope for from an older sister. We didn't enjoy eachother's company much when we were younger, but now every time she comes home I jump and shout for joy...literally. Haha! I remember when I was little I was always so scared to go to sleep because I always had nightmares so I'd ask her if I could have a sleepover with her. I remember trying to stay up and talk to her about my first through ninth grade crushes when I slept in there, but she'd always say "okay Nat, time to go to sleep." Then the next time I came in for a sleepover she said "Okay, you can sleep here, but if you come in here we're going to sleep, not talking!" Hahaha! Oh wow. Now I still go have sleepovers with her sometimes, but instead of being across the hall, I get to go a whole hour away from home to P-town and have a party! Thank you, Missy, for being an example to me. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for teaching me to keep highschool drama out of my life as much as possible. Thank you for teaching me how to keep pushing. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being Mike's girlfriend. Thank you for living somewhat close to home. Thank you for being my sister! :-D

TYLER AND BECCA! I feel as if I'm repeating myself because I JUST wrote something on how much I love Becca, but I'm so thankful for having a brother and sister as amazing and sincere as Tyler and Becca are. Becca is just a happy, bright, fun person to be around. Not to mention she has one of the most beautiful voices known to the world. Ever. The end! But she also provides someone to talk to whenever you need it. Becca and I slept in the same bed the same night we met! Haha, I guess that's why we're so close. ;-) OH! And she was wearing my shoes on her first date with Tyler. (Missy borrowed them from me who then lent them to her and then when she saw me she said "I promise I didn't steal these, your sister let me borrow them!" Hahaha, as if I really cared :D) Tyler is probably the single smartest and one of the most spiritual people I've ever met in my entire life. He is one of the only guys I can trust with my "guy problems" and he helps me with genuine kindness. Tyler and Becca both love me and want to protect me from anything that would potentially make me sad (even if that means telling me someone's a manipulative jerk when I don't want to hear it, haha) Ty and Becca, I love you guys, and thank you so much for everything! I only wish you lived closer!!

DAVE AND KRISTIN!...AND PATTEN!
Yay for another amazing sister-in-law and the cutes nephew in the entire world! Dave and I were super close before he left on his mission. I remember we had this saying-- I think it was something he taught me when I was really little. Whenever we did something good or did a job well done we said "Thumbs up dude!!" And then stick both our thumbs up. Haha, also, I remember one Christmas morning, he gave me...something (I don't even remember what it was) but it was in a box. When I took the paper off the box I looked down at it, got extreamly excited and said "IT'S A BOX!!!! THANK YOU!!" ...I guess I really liked boxes or something. I still remember the first time I met Kristin. She and Dave were going to the Red Iguana for dinner, and they just stopped by the house for directions or something and Dave introduced us. I loved her! Even from just the little bit we said to eachother. I LOVED HER! And then I became so happy to be around her and treated her like my real big sister. If you know me..you know I'm an extremely cuddly person so when I started treating her like my sister I started cuddling with her a lot and...I'm sure she just loved it! Ahh!! Cute little PINTO! I love him to death! Whenever I need something to cheer me up I just have Dave and Kristin bring him over. I love all you guys!

As terrifying as this is, I don't have a picture of my parents together on here...except one, but my mom would kill me if I put it up because she's in her nighty. Anyway... I love my parents so much! I love my parents because they help me. They love me. They love me even when I make wrong choices. They love me when I yell and scream in their faces. They love me when I'm talking about stupid boy trouble. They love me when I say rude things about my family that I don't mean. They're supportive and..oh did I mention they love me? From endless sessions of Hair cut Lady to watching Pixar movies over and over, I love my parents always and forever.
I love technology
But not as much as you you see!
But I still love technology!
Always and forever!!

There's a little somthin' for dad :)

I know this is a picture of the Oakland temple, but it..represents what I'm trying to say. I am so thankful for seminary. Some of my most favorite spiritual expirences have happened within the walls of the East high seminary building. One particular occasion was at the beginning of this year. We listened to the words of Elder McKonkie (Sp?) 's final address as we watched a video of the atonement and Christ being nailed to the cross. It was an amazing thing for me. Something I really needed to hear/see at the time and something I will never forget. Seminary helps me in SO many ways! I love it with all my heart.

Happy Thanksgiving all! Peace out chubs! :D

365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. 1 year.

2008-11-15T08:09:00.000-08:00

It's amazing to look at all the things that can happen in one year. ..I can't believe how much I will have changed in two. Since November 15, 2007 I have...

-Had a brother marry (and in return gotten a wonderful new sister-in-law)
-Gone to a Spice Girls concert
-Went to Vegas with my best friends
-Made a complete fool of myself
-Been in two plays
-Met one of my best friends Rosie
-Discovered ninesquare and dodgeball
-Written two songs I absolutely love
-Had my first kiss
-Felt important
-Cried a lot
-Smiled a lot
-Laughed like there was no tomorrow
-Tried out for the basketball team
-Seen one of my best friends from Illinois
-Had a best friend move to Virginia
-Had my cousin and other friends leave on missions

There's more, I know there is, but it's amazing to think that a year ago I wasn't wrapped up in all the things I am today. It's crazy to think that I didn't have to worry about writing missionaries in Japan or that the highschool drama really doesn't matter and even though sometimes things are hard....you'll get over it!

A year ago today we were awaiting the marriage of my brother Tyler to Becca T Warthen. She's amazing. I had a blast when I went to visit them this summer. I can't imagine having better sisters-in-law than the two I have. I love Becca with all my heart and admire her in all the things she does. Living in Philly wouldn't be easy. Especially when your husband goes to one of the top schools in the country and you're surrounded by people who are....extremely smart so you may feel..a little out of place. I love her for standing up for what she believes in and for being a patriot to the United states. She loves this country more than life its self and I love her with everything I have. I wish there were some way to show my gratitude for her, but nothing I ever do will convey the feelings of love I have towards her and the difference she makes in other's lives.

A year ago today I anxiously waited to be in the car driving to Vegas where I'd spend December 6-9 with my the best friends in the entire world. We always had an obsession with the Spice Girls, so when we heard they were having a reunion tour we put our names into a drawing hoping to get lucky. We never thought we'd actually get the tickets, but we did!! We had such a blast! We went all around Vegas and then went to the concert. We went swimming OUTSIDE even though it was December...and even thought it was Vegas...it was still too cold for swimming. We had fun taking model pictures and making fun of the T.V. shows they had playing for little kids and we started dancing like Goofy. (the dog...or at least I think that's what he is...) We all stood outside this fountain (in the mpicture above) and made a wish for the future. I still haven't told anyone my wish..but it definitely did come true. ..and not too long after. Maybe dreams really do come true if we just hope it, think it, and have enough faith in it.

A year ago today I wasn't friends with one of the best friends I've ever had. Rosie is so amazing because I can go crying to her about anything and she won't make me feel like a complete idiot because I'm crying about that specific thing. She'll sit and listen to me and be sincere in trying to help me feel better. I love having that. I don't have to worry about annoying the crap out of her because I'm complaining about the same thing over and over again. She truly doesn't care. And that's one of the best qualities a friend can have. The ability to listen and be there.

I could say so much more, but I have to go eat. I'll continue this post later! Peace out chubs

Oh That I were an Angel

2008-11-13T14:45:00.000-08:00

Ahh. If you've never heard the song..I highly recommend hearing it. The words are beautiful. I have a question. Have any of you wondered what the world would do if you died tomorrow? I sat wondering this today as a friend and I talked about Madeline Hales and how sudden her departure from this Earth was. As I sat and thought I didn't know what to think. I knew people would be sad (at least I hope..) But seriously, would anyone hold services more than a funeral for me like they did Madeline? Would anyone care after the first few weeks or maybe months after my death? Hmm...it's just an interesting thing to think about.

Oh my goodness. I have to take a minute to tell everyone how much I appreciate Audrey. I have so many wonderful friends, but Audrey is such a wonderful example to me! I never hear one word of gossip or bad talking come out of her mouth! I love her with everything I have! If anyone ever needs a friend I know she's right there waiting to help anyone who needs her. Audrey is the only girl I've kissed (on the cheek of course.. :D) and this week in the dressing room for the play we shared a new loving for eachother which was me sitting on her lap pantless!! :D Hahaha, that sounds a lot worse and a lot different than what it was. Ha, I was waiting for my dress to have the fringe added to it for the play and I got tired of sitting so I sat on her lap in my nylons and underwear :) Anyway, Audrey just makes me happy and I love her little sister like she was my own and her dad is a WONDERFUL taxi driver!

So, going back to my first paragraph! I LOVE music. I tried out for the basketball team yesterday (didn't make it) and I'm kind of glad I didn't. It would've been SO much fun! Especially because I would've gotten to spend so much time with Tori, and I really do love basketball. BUT...I realized my place is on stage. In the words of Mrs. Meers from Thoroughly Modern Millie "I could play any role if you give me the right wig!!" Okay...So that's a bit of a stretch. But I really do love acting and I love singing even more. I love the thrill of being someone else and completely loosing myself in character. I love music in it's self. I've written HUNDREDS of songs since I was little, but I have three that I absolutely love and really remember. Closed for Construction, Sunny Skies, and Meaningless words. They all have meaning and tell a story. They're all closer to my heart than...most things are. They're my way of venting my feelings. When I played Meaningless words for my friends a l ot of them said "Wow.....That's really good..but kinda depressing." Haha, it's true. I've had older posts about emotion and I've found a good way to control emotion is by writing and playing. I think I'm playing either Sunny Skies or Closed for Construction for the Sophomore assembly. I'm excited.

GGGGGGGGGAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys!! I SERIOUSLY can't take school! Not because it's too hard..but because I have Mr. McNaughton! Okay, I know I've written about learning vs. marks and grades..but this man is RIDICULOUS! I've written drafts of articles to put in the newspaper about learning vs. Marks and grades but I'm still deciding which to send in. Teachers should be more respected and more...ranked in their status. Without teachers no one would be able to be the lawyers, doctors, or anything else like that. We owe everything to teachers, and they deserve more respect. Likewise...teachers should teach because they WANT to and should care about helping their students.

Well...I guess that's about it for today. Peace out chubs

2008-10-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

So...I've been victimized...

WISHES

1. To go to college and be an educated adult.

2. To stand up for what I believe in-- EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD!!

3. To live an eventful and meaningful life.

4. To show those I love that I love them.

DESTINATIONS

1. Hawaii

2. New York City

3. Philly

4. Provo...hahahahahaha ;-)

CAREERS

1. Writer

2. English teacher (highschool)

3. Highschool Music teacher

4. Mama :D

VICTIMS

1. Sarah

2. Audrey

3. Missy

4. Becca

Public School

2008-10-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

After reading siblings and friends blogs I've felt like addressing the Public school systems. What do you guys think? Does anyone else think it's rediculous that I had two of my highschool teachers from last year tell me that "of course cheating isn't the best way to do it, but I'd rather have you make the effort to copy the answers from a friend than not do the assignment at all." HELLO?! What effort is needed to take something from one sheet of paper and transfer it to another sheet of paper? Yep. Just about as much as is needed to blink or breathe every now and then.

I also find it unfortunate that when some teachers try to come into a new school, into a new teaching environment, with new people and students, students in public schools generally seem to do everything they can to make it harder for the new teacher. Sometimes these new teachers are actually trying to make a difference in our lives and try to make us take something into our lives from their class. Take my 8th grade show choir teacher for example. Karen Maxwell. I believe it was her second year teaching at Clayton, and the boys of our year triumphed in making her cry MULTIPLE times before the year came to an end. The girls played their part too, writing notes and spouting off telling her they didn't care what she did to them, they would chew their gum and write their notes or do whatever they were doing as long as they pleased. I'm not saying I didn't do my share of note writing whilst I was in this class, but I realize now how disrespectful and obnoxious it was. If, Mrs. Maxwell, you are by chance reading this, I am very sorry. Really, I wish I could take it back.

One thing I've held dear to my heart from those teachers who make a point about actually caring where our education leads us and what we actually do with our lives is that they're teaching to make a difference. They're teaching to help us reach our full potential. To help us learn, not just get marks and grades. Isn't THAT what school should be about? I mean, who cares if you got an A in some stupid class where all you did was fill out worksheets and color in "color by numbers." who cares if you can't take anything into your life from that class except that 3= red and 7= green. The fact you didn't learn anything doesn't matter, it's the fact you got an A that does. Who cares if you get a D in a class but you learned more from that class than any other class you've ever taken in your life? That doesn't matter though, does it? It doesn't matter how much you learned, you still got a D, so you're sunk when it comes to the topic of GPA.

Teachers like Anne Story and Susan Lake(Mrs. Lake who I haven't actually had as a teacher yet, but I've heard is spectacular.) Teachers like Sharon Nagata and Nancy Peterson and Michelle Martinez are the teachers who help us realize who we truly are. We need more teachers like these to help us reach for the stars in our lives. What are we supposed to do when we get to college if we've never learned how to work? People always say "Oh...freshman year of high school will be harder" "oh don't worry, honors and AP classes are gonna be harder." Up to every year of school I've gone to, it's gotten "harder." But not in the sense that I've had to do more research or read more to learn things more in depth. It's gotten harder because every year I've gotten more and more busy work that I have to do. Word searches. Cross word puzzles. Color by numbers. How are those things gonna help us learn Geography? History? Math? How do those teach us the skills we need to develop for college?

My dad frequently reminds me that the thing most students have the hardest thing with in college is understanding the information they read. He doesn't like to let me forget that I need to keep my "Reading and Comprehension" skills tuned up. Obviously we need to read for lesiure pleasure, but is this not partly the school system's fault? If we were required to actually UNDERSTAND books we read and SHOW we understand, wouldn't that help us learn how to retain information?

And spelling? As some of you, I'm sure have already noticed, my spelling's terrible. It's not exactly what you'd call "top notch" I can work on that myself, as all of us should. But how are we going to learn how to spell if computers are doing it for us all the time. I'm actually using a computer right now that doesn't tell me if the word is spelled wrong or not and it's kinda freakin' me out because I'm realizing how many words I actually don't know how to spell. Is spelling not important anymore just because computers are here to do it for us?

In my opinion schools need three things to work.

1) Teachers who care--who actually WANT to be there.

When a student walks into a class room and begins a course, they're basically putting their educational goals into the hands of the teacher. If a teacher is unwilling to be reasonable and help the student to succeed, they should NOT be in this profession. When I say "help the student to succeed" I do NOT mean give out floating A's or be easy. I actually mean MAKE US WORK! MAKE US LEARN! MAKE US DO WHATEVER WE CAN TO GET THE MOST POINTS! If we don't deserve the points, DON'T GIVE THEM TO US!

2) Students who are willing to work and do something with their lives.

Students obviously play a huge role in a school setting. If we have teachers who actually care and who want to help us succeed we have control over how much we take in and use in our lives. If we behave the way my 8th grade did to Mrs. Maxwell, it's no wonder we don't learn anything. That's our own fault. I've heard so many people comment that she was a terrible teacher and that we didn't learn anything in that class, and every time I hear that I say something along the lines of "well if people would've just let her teach maybe we would've gotten something out of it.

3) cooperation and respect.

if teachers, administratiors, and students don't cooperate and have respect for eachother, what good is school anyway? If we can't learn how to work together in our classrooms there is no point to public schools, because schools are to learn in and without cooperation and respect no one's going to learn anything.

Emotion Basketcase much?

2008-10-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

Effortless
Madness
Of
Teenage
Inconsistency
Over and over
Never ending

Basically my definition of teenage emotions in seven words. I'm not just talking about typical things (like boys) with teenage girls, I'm talking about in general. For example..the other night my mom made a suggestion to me and I completely freaked out! It's like I loose control of myself. After I look at things I say and how I talk back to my mom I wonder what the crap is wrong with me and why I'm being such an idiot. My mom is tied at first with my sister as the "best friend" role. I tell my mom EVERYTHING! We talk about everything from school to boys to spiritual aspects to friends to..what I'm going to wear to school the next day. And yet...I feel like I can't control myself sometimes. I can't just shrug a suggestion I don't like off my shoulder. I can't just say "Okay, mom." And walk away and be cheery. I have to make some stupid snotty comment back to her. Then before I know it I'm bawling and am shaking and have so much emotion bursting out of me at once that I honestly don't know what to do. I want to go for a walk, but my mom won't let me because I'm not in the emotional state to be walking alone. I want to just calm down and get away, but I feel like I can't. I feel trapped and yet I have emotion pouring out of every part of me like when a glass is already filled to the very top of a glass and then you attempt to put four ice cubes in. Water goes everywhere. That's what I feel like. Ah! That reminds me of a quote. It goes something like... “ There are more moments in life when the heart is so full of emotion that if , by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble drops some careless word, it overflows. Its secrets spill onto the ground like water and can never be gathered together.” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

I'm never like this with my friends. My friends see me as a happy, crazy, insane person. I love that they see me as such. But why can't I act this way with my family? Why is it so much easier for me to freak out at them. In the poem "Eloisa to Abelard" by Alexander Pope, (wonderful poem, by the way, I highly recommend reading it if you haven't) There's a line talking about Eloisa that says "Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys." In class we discussed whether or not we really think Eloisa loves Abelard, or if she's just overly obsessed with him. We/I personally concluded that her feelings are justified because she lost her innocence to him and then is forced to a life of silence. Anyway, back to the quote. Sometimes I feel like this is how I am. I know it's ridiculous, but I really do. Sometimes, I feel like I'm prisoner to my heart, and if something is bothering me where my heart is I act irrationally towards my family. Whether it's a guy, friends, my family, if anything is messing with my heart it seems to take over.

This is something I need to work on. A lot.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, "It is not because the truth is so difficult that we make mistakes...we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions - especially selfish ones." Beautiful. I know. Haha, I love this. It's not because it's too hard that we make mistakes. It's because it's comfortable. It's easy. It's a walk in the park rather than a hike through a rocky cliff. I thought of this quote though because it suggests that when we do something wrong or make a mistake, we're always just choosing the easier thing. The thing that's more comfortable and takes less effort. That may be true in most cases, but when I'm yelling at my mom because she suggests I do something different I'm not comfortable. It's not something that takes less effort. Well...I guess it does in a way.. but not really. It's not that hard to say something calm instead of something snotty and not thought through.

I don't know. I need to think. Ha, I guess I'll just leave with this quote.

" some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.”

2008-09-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, I heard a new song from Lady Antebellum, and I thought I was gonna puke. The song said something to the effect of "How 'bout baby we make a promise to not promise anything more than one night. Complicated situations only get worse in the morning light...hey I'm just lookin' for a good time." ..It makes me sick to hear something like that. I mean, sure, I guess if you've established before hand that your relationship means nothing and there's absolutely NO EMOTION or feelings tied to the physical relations you have with someone, that's better than if you just...are in a relationship with someone and then you break up with them telling them none of it ever meant anything. I don't know. It just make me mad to hear songs like this? Does anyone agree? Does the world really look at a relationship as something that's just for fun that doesn't really have a purpose?

In English the other day we were talking about love and what it means. One kid said something like "Well, I personally thing marriage is stupid because all it does is screw up families and relationships like it did with my parents." I felt so bad for this kid because obviously he's had to deal with divorce in his family. I also felt bad for him because with that divorce happening, it's blinded his view of how wonderful marriage can be. Marriage is something that takes commitment and that, yes, does need to be endured rather than just lived sometimes. That doesn't mean its a terrible thing. Media focuses too much on the physical side of relationships and not enough on the true meat. What really keeps a relationship alive. The part where you actually get to know the person you're in a relationship. Where you talk to them and listen to what's happening in their life. Communication is the key to having a good relationship. When someone tells another they love them, does that mean "Oh, I love you, but if we ever disagree on something or you ever do anything to hurt me it's over." Is that what people mean when they say "I love you?" It seems like it to me. Through things we watch in movies and just in seeing relationships with friends and family members. It's like communication doesn't exist. Like if we actually tried to talk something out it would most definitely kill us. I'm not saying communication can cure any broken relationship, but if people would try harder, I promise there would be less problems in broken families and ruined lives from divorce.

There's another song this post makes me think of. A song that's words...just listen.
Last night I got served a little too much of that poison baby
Last night I did things I'm not proud of
And I got a little crazy
Last night I met a guy on the dance floor
And I let him call me baby

And I don't even know his last name
Oh, my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know his last name

We left the club right around three o'clock in the morning
His Pinto sitting there in the parking lot Well it should have been a warning
I had no clue what I was getting into
So I blame it on the Cuervo
Oh where did my manners go?

And I don't even know his last name
Oh, my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know his last name
Here we go...

Today I woke up thinkin' about Elvis somewhere in Vegas
I'm not sure how I got here
Or how this ring on my left hand just appeared out of nowhere
I gotta go
I take the chips and the Pinto and hit the road
They say what happens here stays here
All of this will disappear
There's just one little problem...

I don't even know my last name
Oh my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name

What have I done
What have I done
What have I done
Oh, what have I done
I don't even know my last name

It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned into
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name

It turned into
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name"

Uhh...Yeah. That seems cool to me too. Lets just go get drunk somewhere and get married just like that. It's like marriage doesn't even imply commitment anymore because there's always the option of getting a divorce.

What is love? Is love really just a word people use to get more now days? Is it just a word? Is there nothing attached to it like there used to be? When I think of love, I think of fire. It seems like from the world's perspective, love is a temporal fire that will eventually die down and burn into nothing. The way I see it, love should be an everlasting fire. Like the one Moses saw when he saw the burning bush. A temporal fire burns wood. It consumes it's fuel, whereas the fire on the bush burned bright, but didn't consume the bush or leave baron land. Is this not what we should mean when we tell someone we "love" them?

Little Things

2008-09-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

Once before this I blogged about our purpose in life. As another religious post, I wanted to address something I really would like feedback on if possible. I just wonder why it's so hard for me, and others, to do the right thing when we're taught they're counsel from God. Small things like wearing shorts that are too short. Dating before we're sixteen. Not drinking coffee or alcohol. They're not big things. Yet...some of the time it seems almost impossible for me to not wear shorts that may not be terribly short...but are shorter than the church standard sets them. These are mostly just jumbled thoughts. Again, remember, if you feel uncomfortable just click the little 'X' in the top right hand corner of your screen. I don't make you read me blog, so please don't be offended by anything I write.

As I got ready for bed last night, I was sitting down to read my scriptures before I actually went to sleep. I decided to read my For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, and read the 'Dress and Appearance' section first. The first line reads "Your body is God's sacred creation." from reading this I feel that if I want to truly believe the words that come later and want to make it easier to follow the modesty standard of the church, I need to develop a firm testimony of that first statement. Do I honestly believe my body to be a sacred creation and Gift from God? Later on the section reads "Your dress and grooming send messages about you to others and influence the way you and others act." How true is that. Seriously, how many times have you been in the situation where some girl walks in wearing short shorts and a tank top and for some odd reason that no one can exactly put their finger on, all the guys in the group flock to that girl and flirt with her like there's no tomorrow? I can't tell you how many times I've seen things like that happen.

This morning, after having read these words and praying about them I started cleaning my room like I normally do on Saturday mornings. As I picked up the mounds of clothes I came across my one pair of little red short shorts. Not incredibly short..but short enough that every time I wear them, I think all people see is my legs. Like nothing else on my body is visible. I suddenly start to notice guys complimenting me and giving me hugs and touching me in ways that they otherwise never do. Sometimes I think they're cute. When they're on I feel embarrassed and stupid that I gave in to the temporal side of myself. I picked up my shorts, went to the kitchen, got the kitchen sheers, and started cutting my shorts. I cut the shorts in to tiny pieces and then took the scraps of short shorts to the big, green garbage can in our garage. I started crying as I threw the remains away. Not because I was so sad they were gone, but because I felt so at peace with the choice I'd made. Cutting the shorts seems extremely cheesey and unnecessary. It may be. But I felt as if cutting the shorts was symbolic of me making a promise that I'd try to do better when it came to dressing modestly. After all, if you're always in the presence of God, wouldn't you always want to be dressed accordingly?

It's been way too long...

2008-09-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

here's something I saw happen at school yesterday. Sitting at lunch, my friend and I were talking, when I saw a boy (We'll call him Billy) being made fun of and him starting to get extremely angry. Now, it's a known fact that this boy gets mad REALLY easily and that he will try to start a fight even though it's apparent he'll lose by a mile. Apparently, what happened is that Billy was listening to his iPod, and someone asked what he was listening to. He showed them the album cover and I guess there was a picture of a partially naked girl on the front cover of the Album/CD. I understand why people may be shocked by such an image, but at the same time..the guys who started making fun of this kid are the same guys who talk about how sweet it was they got to stay right next to Hooters last year in Vegas for their baseball trip. The same guys who listen to Biance (Sp?) and Jessica Simpson and have the same types of pictures on their iPods as well. As they made fun of him, he obviously got furious and started picking a fight. Then, as usual, a teacher comes by, sees Billy picking the fight, and Billy's the one who gets in trouble. Yes. Billy gets in trouble when he's been unjustly provoked. Why do people do this? I mean, yes, it is kind of funny to see someone get as mad as Billy gets so easily. But seriously, who just goes around doing that for fun?? Just because you can control yourself better than other's doesn't mean you're better than them in any way. It just makes me so mad. I should've said something. I honestly can't believe I just sat there and let it happen.

Wow. I do hope that in writing this I haven't offended anyone. I just have a few thoughts pouring out of my head right now. I wish I could write them all here..

I miss Brigham.

Gravity

2008-08-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

Today in Sunday School my mom taught a lesson that I'd like to title "Gravity." She read a story my brother Tyler wrote called "Gravity" about my father's life, and his sister, Theresa's, story. My mom often asks me if I've read this story Tyler gave us last year for Christmas. I always said yes. The truth is..I hadn't.

As my mom read through the story I found myself sitting with tears streaming down both sides of my face as I listened. I tried so hard to stop crying, but just couldn't. I'd heard bits and pieces of my dad's childhood, and did know that Aunt Theresa struggled with the church a bit, but there were so many things in this story I did NOT know. I didn't know, for instance, that Aunt Theresa was a hippie. Nor did I know she had a husband before my uncle Dan. I didn't know she had a close seminary teacher who's friendship played a vital part in her returning to the church. The fact that that she came back with a list an inch thick of things she asked forgiveness for amazes me, and I'm sure will help me remember when I've made mistakes that I can ALWAYS be forgiven.

As this is a very personal and somewhat private story, this will turn out to be a rather short post. I just want to close with a quote from the story that brings me near tears every time I hear it:

"God's love is like gravity. You can hate it, curse it, and say it doesn't exist, but it's always there, and is always working."

Mind Tricks

2008-08-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

It's amazing to me how the human brain can be totally convinced at one moment that something isn't a big deal; that it doesn't matter, and that you honestly DO NOT CARE! Then, the next minute, your mind is chalk full of vivid images of certain events and you feel your heart breaking ever so slowly. It's like a little kid pulling a piece of paper apart when they're just learning how to use their hands. Gradually. Slowly. And you wish you could yank it from their hands and rip it for them, simply because you're running out of time and that little piece of paper is only coming apart one small strand at a time.
Do you readers understand the feeling I'm talking about? It's like when something hits you for the first time. Yes, you knew about it before, but it's not just starting to engulf your thoughts. To wrap a blanket of hopelessness around you and swallow you whole.
I'm also amazed at how many different situations this can be. Take a death for instance. I know, when my grandfather died, i started bawling the moment my dad told me. But I think that was merely the shock of knowing he was gone, because later on that day, I was completely fine. I told myself "He's with God now!" or "He's up there waiting for me." I knew I'd see him again, because families are forever. A few days later, I remember waking up and all I could see was my grandpa's dead body laying in his bed and my mom performing CPR on him. Horrific. Paralyzing. Petrifying. Those are words that come to mind remembering grandpa Fred's passing. I felt like a part of me drifted off with him. Like a part of me was missing. I heard people sniffling and blowing their noses. I looked around my small room covered in flowery wallpaper. No one. I heard sobs and cries for help. No one. All the sudden this tragedy became so real to me. But why?
"Some minds remain open long enough for the truth not only to enter but to pass on through by way of a ready exit without pausing anywhere along the route." This quote from Elizabeth Kenny shares an important and vital message to all who read it. It shows that not only do we need to open our minds to hear truth, but keep it open and let it pass through. Whether the truth be good or bad news, whether it helps or hurts us. If we close our minds and give truth a place to dwell, there is no question we'll blow it out or proportion.
Basically...all in all, the human mind amazes me. Sometimes we want to just forget about things, but because we want to forget them so badly, we end up thinking about how much we want to forget them and then...WOAH! WE DON'T FORGET THEM! Sometimes we say we feel a certain way multiple times, and then once we really think we mean it. Then that I'm-not-so-sure feeling comes back. You DO care. But how can you show it if all the odds are pointing against you. You're too young. You don't look the right way. You don't engage in the right extra curricular activities. You're too old. (These, by the way, are just random things I'm throwing out there.) It's amazing.

Love, Life, and Laughter

2008-08-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

One thing about me that some readers may not know is that I am an extremely religious person. I would simply DIE without the standards of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and wish I could be the best person I can be..ALL THE TIME. It's ridiculously easy for me to forget that if something's not okay...it's NOT OKAY. No justifying! Centered on religious views, I hope this post doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. If it does, I'm sorry, but remember, you read my blog. I'm not preaching to you or forcing you to read my beliefs.
During conversations with friends, the question "what is our purpose in this life?" has come up more than once. I know how I've replied to friends asking this question, but what about when I ask? Do I really believe what I tell my friends? Do I act in a way that exemplifies the answers I give? In the past few months..no. I have not. In the last couple of months I have thought about--and actually dressed--in ways I've always told people I never would. I've jeopardized friendships. I've thought of acting in ways I've always looked at as unacceptable. I've WANTED things I know I should not want at this point in my life. Why do I want these things? What do they have to do with having a successful and happy life?
Elder Neal A. Maxwell writes, "Words then issue, such as Why me? Why this? Why now? Of course, these words may give way to subsequent spiritual composure. Sometimes, however, such words precede bitter inconsolability, and then it is a surprisingly short distance between disappointment and bitterness." How often do we feel like this? How often do we question what God has in store for us? I know I do more often than not. I caught myself thinking "Why can't things just be like they used to be" the other day, and I thought of a scripture in Psalms that says something like "Do not inquire why are things not like they were in the past, for ye do not inquire rightfully knowing of these things." It says something like that...I can't find the verse right now, but it made me realize how often I do that.
What IS our purpose in life? President Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said, "Now, I wish to say a word to all who are here. It is simply a reminder of the obligation, the duty, each has to share with others the precious gospel of Jesus Christ." A prophet of the Lord, speaking the words of God, told us that it's our mission..even a DUTY to share the Gospel. Well then, it should be easy shouldn't it? The voice of the Lord telling us to share the Gospel. What's so hard about that?
Sharing the Gospel, in my opinion, is so much more than just..sharing the Gospel. It is a way of life and a way of example. A way of living the standards God set for us. My mom often tells me that by living the standards of the gospel that seem so strict and so unbelievably ridiculous to the rest of the world, we actually make ourselves free from the addictions and things that captivate the minds of people internationally. By living the word of wisdom we save ourselves health and generally live longer lives because our livers are not being eaten away by alcohol. Or maybe we have clear and healthy working lungs because we choose not to smoke. We don't believe, by any means, that people who do these things are bad people-- they are simply things we choose not to do. I love people of all religions. I have many friends of other faiths, I do NOT, in any way, think I am better than them in any way. I simply have a different way of life.
Now then, Elder Richard G. Scott of the quorum of the twelve apostles states, "These words express the most fundamental purpose of your being on earth:

'We will make an earth whereon these may dwell;

'And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;

'And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever'"

I'm sure many of us ask, "how can the purpose of life be to be tested, when President Hinckley said it was to share the Gospel?" I believe that by sharing the Gospel and living the standards, we are keeping with our first estate. Therefore, we kill two birds with one stone.
I feel like yesterday I had a realization. I came inside after going to a movie with some friends, and I had some wants that...well..I guess maybe I just shouldn't have wanted. I felt stupid and humiliated and wished I could erase the last few moments of the night, and felt deeply disoriented by decisions I'd made and feelings I chose to feel. I got down on my knees and prayed to Heavenly Father, (I pray every night, but I felt like this was the first time I tried to be genuine in a long time) and asked him to help me live the way he wants me to live. To do the things in this life he wants me to do. To be the person I know I can be. Outgoing, successful, spiritual, fun, kind, appreciative of appropriate and enjoyable books, music, and movies. I know I can be that person. I come to realize that and often forget it. I constantly need God to remind me who I am and why I'm here.
I love life. Sometimes I wonder why I'm such a dorkwad, and why I do the things I do. But you know what? I make mistakes, along with the rest of the world. I realize those mistakes and try to learn from them. I hope I've not offended anyone with this post. I hope I haven't given the impression that I fell members of the LDS church are better than anyone else, because I do not believe that in the slightest. The Declaration of Independence reads "we believe these truths to be self evident. That all men are created equal..." I believe that. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, and once again, I hope I haven't offended anyone. :-)

Happy 24th!

2008-07-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

Pioneer day!! I know many who look at Pioneer Day and think to themselves, "Wow, this is a ridiculous excuse for a holiday..why are we celebrating pioneers?" Though many think of pioneers as the people who crossed the plains in extreme weather conditions, with worn shoes and clothes, we often overlook the pioneers of today.

There are many people in my life who I consider pioneers. A pioneer, by definition, may be someone who settled or entered a region for the first time, but I feel that a pioneer is also someone looked up to. Someone looked up to by everyone around them. Someone full of talent and fun. I can't even begin to count the number of people I know who fit this category, but I would like to recognize a just a few.

Meeshka! (yes the is the one being kissed :D)

Meeshka is a nick-name for my sister, Missy. We never really got along until a few years ago when she moved to BYU to go to college. You know that saying "You never know what you've got until it's gone?" Missy moving away gave new meaning to that for me. When she attended high school and I still went to Bonneville Elementary, Missy and I pushed each others buttons until we both went crazy. She always looked at me as the person who took her place as the baby and I always saw her as the mean older sister who didn't want anything to do with me. Now, however, Missy and I are BEST FRIENDS! Honestly, if someone were to ask me who my best friend is I would say Missy. I know it's cheesey to say your older sister, but it's only the truth. Missy isn't afraid to tell me if I'm being stupid (which I have been A LOT the last little while) and will help me even if I'm calling about a stupid boy problem at 1:00 A.M. on a school night. She always tells me when I need to shower because I smell terrible, and she tells me when I'm over reacting and helps me try to be less of a dramatic person. (those of you who know me well know I'm pretty good at being dramatic.) Though there are times when we don't exactly get along, Missy and I try to keep peace in our home, try to have fun hanging out with each other and making friends together. I love going to BYU to sleepover night and party with my sister. She may not have been the first person in the Salt Lake Valley, but she is the first person I turn to for help. She sets such a wonderful example to me of someone who keeps trying and does what she needs to to get the job done--no matter how hard it is!

Torio!

Tori Robison is someone I look up to whenever I feel like I just can't take one more step. There's a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell that says something like, "In the mutual climb on the straight and narrow path, sometimes we need friends shouting directions to us. But, sometimes it is the warm whispers that help us keep putting one foot in front of the other." Tori exhibits this quality of "giving a warm whisper" like no one I've ever met. Not by literally whispering in your ear, but by the way she walks the path of life. From the pain in her joints to the allergies to putting up with my insane bursts of hyper..ness..Tori keeps going and DOESN'T complain! One thing I know I do a lot is try to use support and sympathy from others to get through hard points in my life. In doing that I usually end up complaining and talking to everyone I know about how terrible this thing or that thing or the other thing are. She never does that. The most I've heard Tori complain about anything is "Ouch! My wrist hurts!!" It is by her amazing example that sometimes when I feel like I'm ready to give up I remember how easy she makes it look to keep going, and try to do the same.

Briiiiiiiiiiiiiigham!

Okay, now Brigham is one of those people who just makes everything good when everything's wrong! Ha, ever since the seventh grade, when we started going to school together, Brigham's been someone I've tried to live up to and be more like. His positivity shows that he loves life and has fun with whatever comes his way. We've had the same handshake for over a year now, and every time we see each other that's the first thing we do! *High ten!* *elbow!* *Bones!* *Blalalalalala!* Haha! For those of you who've seen it..you know what all that means..if not..use your imagination. It's epic. P.s. I DID start crying when I found out he was moving to Virginia :'(

Oh wow. I guess I should stop because if I don't stop somewhere this post will be...extremely long. Haha, I love all my friends and family members and look up to so many people. These are just a few who stood out to me at the moment. I hope some day I can live up to all of my friends and family, everyone sets such a wonderful example to me and I hope I can use each day to become closer and closer to as wonderful you guys are!