Okay, I heard a new song from Lady Antebellum, and I thought I was gonna puke. The song said something to the effect of "How 'bout baby we make a promise to not promise anything more than one night. Complicated situations only get worse in the morning light...hey I'm just lookin' for a good time." ..It makes me sick to hear something like that. I mean, sure, I guess if you've established before hand that your relationship means nothing and there's absolutely NO EMOTION or feelings tied to the physical relations you have with someone, that's better than if you just...are in a relationship with someone and then you break up with them telling them none of it ever meant anything. I don't know. It just make me mad to hear songs like this? Does anyone agree? Does the world really look at a relationship as something that's just for fun that doesn't really have a purpose?

In English the other day we were talking about love and what it means. One kid said something like "Well, I personally thing marriage is stupid because all it does is screw up families and relationships like it did with my parents." I felt so bad for this kid because obviously he's had to deal with divorce in his family. I also felt bad for him because with that divorce happening, it's blinded his view of how wonderful marriage can be. Marriage is something that takes commitment and that, yes, does need to be endured rather than just lived sometimes. That doesn't mean its a terrible thing. Media focuses too much on the physical side of relationships and not enough on the true meat. What really keeps a relationship alive. The part where you actually get to know the person you're in a relationship. Where you talk to them and listen to what's happening in their life. Communication is the key to having a good relationship. When someone tells another they love them, does that mean "Oh, I love you, but if we ever disagree on something or you ever do anything to hurt me it's over." Is that what people mean when they say "I love you?" It seems like it to me. Through things we watch in movies and just in seeing relationships with friends and family members. It's like communication doesn't exist. Like if we actually tried to talk something out it would most definitely kill us. I'm not saying communication can cure any broken relationship, but if people would try harder, I promise there would be less problems in broken families and ruined lives from divorce.

There's another song this post makes me think of. A song that's words...just listen.
Last night I got served a little too much of that poison baby
Last night I did things I'm not proud of
And I got a little crazy
Last night I met a guy on the dance floor
And I let him call me baby

And I don't even know his last name
Oh, my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know his last name

We left the club right around three o'clock in the morning
His Pinto sitting there in the parking lot Well it should have been a warning
I had no clue what I was getting into
So I blame it on the Cuervo
Oh where did my manners go?

And I don't even know his last name
Oh, my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know his last name
Here we go...

Today I woke up thinkin' about Elvis somewhere in Vegas
I'm not sure how I got here
Or how this ring on my left hand just appeared out of nowhere
I gotta go
I take the chips and the Pinto and hit the road
They say what happens here stays here
All of this will disappear
There's just one little problem...

I don't even know my last name
Oh my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name

What have I done
What have I done
What have I done
Oh, what have I done
I don't even know my last name

It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned into
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name

It turned into
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name"

Uhh...Yeah. That seems cool to me too. Lets just go get drunk somewhere and get married just like that. It's like marriage doesn't even imply commitment anymore because there's always the option of getting a divorce.

What is love? Is love really just a word people use to get more now days? Is it just a word? Is there nothing attached to it like there used to be? When I think of love, I think of fire. It seems like from the world's perspective, love is a temporal fire that will eventually die down and burn into nothing. The way I see it, love should be an everlasting fire. Like the one Moses saw when he saw the burning bush. A temporal fire burns wood. It consumes it's fuel, whereas the fire on the bush burned bright, but didn't consume the bush or leave baron land. Is this not what we should mean when we tell someone we "love" them?

Little Things

Once before this I blogged about our purpose in life. As another religious post, I wanted to address something I really would like feedback on if possible. I just wonder why it's so hard for me, and others, to do the right thing when we're taught they're counsel from God. Small things like wearing shorts that are too short. Dating before we're sixteen. Not drinking coffee or alcohol. They're not big things. Yet...some of the time it seems almost impossible for me to not wear shorts that may not be terribly short...but are shorter than the church standard sets them. These are mostly just jumbled thoughts. Again, remember, if you feel uncomfortable just click the little 'X' in the top right hand corner of your screen. I don't make you read me blog, so please don't be offended by anything I write.

As I got ready for bed last night, I was sitting down to read my scriptures before I actually went to sleep. I decided to read my For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, and read the 'Dress and Appearance' section first. The first line reads "Your body is God's sacred creation." from reading this I feel that if I want to truly believe the words that come later and want to make it easier to follow the modesty standard of the church, I need to develop a firm testimony of that first statement. Do I honestly believe my body to be a sacred creation and Gift from God? Later on the section reads "Your dress and grooming send messages about you to others and influence the way you and others act." How true is that. Seriously, how many times have you been in the situation where some girl walks in wearing short shorts and a tank top and for some odd reason that no one can exactly put their finger on, all the guys in the group flock to that girl and flirt with her like there's no tomorrow? I can't tell you how many times I've seen things like that happen.

This morning, after having read these words and praying about them I started cleaning my room like I normally do on Saturday mornings. As I picked up the mounds of clothes I came across my one pair of little red short shorts. Not incredibly short..but short enough that every time I wear them, I think all people see is my legs. Like nothing else on my body is visible. I suddenly start to notice guys complimenting me and giving me hugs and touching me in ways that they otherwise never do. Sometimes I think they're cute. When they're on I feel embarrassed and stupid that I gave in to the temporal side of myself. I picked up my shorts, went to the kitchen, got the kitchen sheers, and started cutting my shorts. I cut the shorts in to tiny pieces and then took the scraps of short shorts to the big, green garbage can in our garage. I started crying as I threw the remains away. Not because I was so sad they were gone, but because I felt so at peace with the choice I'd made. Cutting the shorts seems extremely cheesey and unnecessary. It may be. But I felt as if cutting the shorts was symbolic of me making a promise that I'd try to do better when it came to dressing modestly. After all, if you're always in the presence of God, wouldn't you always want to be dressed accordingly?

It's been way too long...

here's something I saw happen at school yesterday. Sitting at lunch, my friend and I were talking, when I saw a boy (We'll call him Billy) being made fun of and him starting to get extremely angry. Now, it's a known fact that this boy gets mad REALLY easily and that he will try to start a fight even though it's apparent he'll lose by a mile. Apparently, what happened is that Billy was listening to his iPod, and someone asked what he was listening to. He showed them the album cover and I guess there was a picture of a partially naked girl on the front cover of the Album/CD. I understand why people may be shocked by such an image, but at the same time..the guys who started making fun of this kid are the same guys who talk about how sweet it was they got to stay right next to Hooters last year in Vegas for their baseball trip. The same guys who listen to Biance (Sp?) and Jessica Simpson and have the same types of pictures on their iPods as well. As they made fun of him, he obviously got furious and started picking a fight. Then, as usual, a teacher comes by, sees Billy picking the fight, and Billy's the one who gets in trouble. Yes. Billy gets in trouble when he's been unjustly provoked. Why do people do this? I mean, yes, it is kind of funny to see someone get as mad as Billy gets so easily. But seriously, who just goes around doing that for fun?? Just because you can control yourself better than other's doesn't mean you're better than them in any way. It just makes me so mad. I should've said something. I honestly can't believe I just sat there and let it happen.

Wow. I do hope that in writing this I haven't offended anyone. I just have a few thoughts pouring out of my head right now. I wish I could write them all here..

I miss Brigham.

Gravity

Today in Sunday School my mom taught a lesson that I'd like to title "Gravity." She read a story my brother Tyler wrote called "Gravity" about my father's life, and his sister, Theresa's, story. My mom often asks me if I've read this story Tyler gave us last year for Christmas. I always said yes. The truth is..I hadn't.

As my mom read through the story I found myself sitting with tears streaming down both sides of my face as I listened. I tried so hard to stop crying, but just couldn't. I'd heard bits and pieces of my dad's childhood, and did know that Aunt Theresa struggled with the church a bit, but there were so many things in this story I did NOT know. I didn't know, for instance, that Aunt Theresa was a hippie. Nor did I know she had a husband before my uncle Dan. I didn't know she had a close seminary teacher who's friendship played a vital part in her returning to the church. The fact that that she came back with a list an inch thick of things she asked forgiveness for amazes me, and I'm sure will help me remember when I've made mistakes that I can ALWAYS be forgiven.

As this is a very personal and somewhat private story, this will turn out to be a rather short post. I just want to close with a quote from the story that brings me near tears every time I hear it:

"God's love is like gravity. You can hate it, curse it, and say it doesn't exist, but it's always there, and is always working."

Mind Tricks

It's amazing to me how the human brain can be totally convinced at one moment that something isn't a big deal; that it doesn't matter, and that you honestly DO NOT CARE! Then, the next minute, your mind is chalk full of vivid images of certain events and you feel your heart breaking ever so slowly. It's like a little kid pulling a piece of paper apart when they're just learning how to use their hands. Gradually. Slowly. And you wish you could yank it from their hands and rip it for them, simply because you're running out of time and that little piece of paper is only coming apart one small strand at a time.
Do you readers understand the feeling I'm talking about? It's like when something hits you for the first time. Yes, you knew about it before, but it's not just starting to engulf your thoughts. To wrap a blanket of hopelessness around you and swallow you whole.
I'm also amazed at how many different situations this can be. Take a death for instance. I know, when my grandfather died, i started bawling the moment my dad told me. But I think that was merely the shock of knowing he was gone, because later on that day, I was completely fine. I told myself "He's with God now!" or "He's up there waiting for me." I knew I'd see him again, because families are forever. A few days later, I remember waking up and all I could see was my grandpa's dead body laying in his bed and my mom performing CPR on him. Horrific. Paralyzing. Petrifying. Those are words that come to mind remembering grandpa Fred's passing. I felt like a part of me drifted off with him. Like a part of me was missing. I heard people sniffling and blowing their noses. I looked around my small room covered in flowery wallpaper. No one. I heard sobs and cries for help. No one. All the sudden this tragedy became so real to me. But why?
"Some minds remain open long enough for the truth not only to enter but to pass on through by way of a ready exit without pausing anywhere along the route." This quote from Elizabeth Kenny shares an important and vital message to all who read it. It shows that not only do we need to open our minds to hear truth, but keep it open and let it pass through. Whether the truth be good or bad news, whether it helps or hurts us. If we close our minds and give truth a place to dwell, there is no question we'll blow it out or proportion.
Basically...all in all, the human mind amazes me. Sometimes we want to just forget about things, but because we want to forget them so badly, we end up thinking about how much we want to forget them and then...WOAH! WE DON'T FORGET THEM! Sometimes we say we feel a certain way multiple times, and then once we really think we mean it. Then that I'm-not-so-sure feeling comes back. You DO care. But how can you show it if all the odds are pointing against you. You're too young. You don't look the right way. You don't engage in the right extra curricular activities. You're too old. (These, by the way, are just random things I'm throwing out there.) It's amazing.

Love, Life, and Laughter

One thing about me that some readers may not know is that I am an extremely religious person. I would simply DIE without the standards of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and wish I could be the best person I can be..ALL THE TIME. It's ridiculously easy for me to forget that if something's not okay...it's NOT OKAY. No justifying! Centered on religious views, I hope this post doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. If it does, I'm sorry, but remember, you read my blog. I'm not preaching to you or forcing you to read my beliefs.
During conversations with friends, the question "what is our purpose in this life?" has come up more than once. I know how I've replied to friends asking this question, but what about when I ask? Do I really believe what I tell my friends? Do I act in a way that exemplifies the answers I give? In the past few months..no. I have not. In the last couple of months I have thought about--and actually dressed--in ways I've always told people I never would. I've jeopardized friendships. I've thought of acting in ways I've always looked at as unacceptable. I've WANTED things I know I should not want at this point in my life. Why do I want these things? What do they have to do with having a successful and happy life?
Elder Neal A. Maxwell writes, "Words then issue, such as Why me? Why this? Why now? Of course, these words may give way to subsequent spiritual composure. Sometimes, however, such words precede bitter inconsolability, and then it is a surprisingly short distance between disappointment and bitterness." How often do we feel like this? How often do we question what God has in store for us? I know I do more often than not. I caught myself thinking "Why can't things just be like they used to be" the other day, and I thought of a scripture in Psalms that says something like "Do not inquire why are things not like they were in the past, for ye do not inquire rightfully knowing of these things." It says something like that...I can't find the verse right now, but it made me realize how often I do that.
What IS our purpose in life? President Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said, "Now, I wish to say a word to all who are here. It is simply a reminder of the obligation, the duty, each has to share with others the precious gospel of Jesus Christ." A prophet of the Lord, speaking the words of God, told us that it's our mission..even a DUTY to share the Gospel. Well then, it should be easy shouldn't it? The voice of the Lord telling us to share the Gospel. What's so hard about that?
Sharing the Gospel, in my opinion, is so much more than just..sharing the Gospel. It is a way of life and a way of example. A way of living the standards God set for us. My mom often tells me that by living the standards of the gospel that seem so strict and so unbelievably ridiculous to the rest of the world, we actually make ourselves free from the addictions and things that captivate the minds of people internationally. By living the word of wisdom we save ourselves health and generally live longer lives because our livers are not being eaten away by alcohol. Or maybe we have clear and healthy working lungs because we choose not to smoke. We don't believe, by any means, that people who do these things are bad people-- they are simply things we choose not to do. I love people of all religions. I have many friends of other faiths, I do NOT, in any way, think I am better than them in any way. I simply have a different way of life.
Now then, Elder Richard G. Scott of the quorum of the twelve apostles states, "These words express the most fundamental purpose of your being on earth:

'We will make an earth whereon these may dwell;

'And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;

'And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever'"

I'm sure many of us ask, "how can the purpose of life be to be tested, when President Hinckley said it was to share the Gospel?" I believe that by sharing the Gospel and living the standards, we are keeping with our first estate. Therefore, we kill two birds with one stone.
I feel like yesterday I had a realization. I came inside after going to a movie with some friends, and I had some wants that...well..I guess maybe I just shouldn't have wanted. I felt stupid and humiliated and wished I could erase the last few moments of the night, and felt deeply disoriented by decisions I'd made and feelings I chose to feel. I got down on my knees and prayed to Heavenly Father, (I pray every night, but I felt like this was the first time I tried to be genuine in a long time) and asked him to help me live the way he wants me to live. To do the things in this life he wants me to do. To be the person I know I can be. Outgoing, successful, spiritual, fun, kind, appreciative of appropriate and enjoyable books, music, and movies. I know I can be that person. I come to realize that and often forget it. I constantly need God to remind me who I am and why I'm here.
I love life. Sometimes I wonder why I'm such a dorkwad, and why I do the things I do. But you know what? I make mistakes, along with the rest of the world. I realize those mistakes and try to learn from them. I hope I've not offended anyone with this post. I hope I haven't given the impression that I fell members of the LDS church are better than anyone else, because I do not believe that in the slightest. The Declaration of Independence reads "we believe these truths to be self evident. That all men are created equal..." I believe that. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, and once again, I hope I haven't offended anyone. :-)

Happy 24th!

Pioneer day!! I know many who look at Pioneer Day and think to themselves, "Wow, this is a ridiculous excuse for a holiday..why are we celebrating pioneers?" Though many think of pioneers as the people who crossed the plains in extreme weather conditions, with worn shoes and clothes, we often overlook the pioneers of today.

There are many people in my life who I consider pioneers. A pioneer, by definition, may be someone who settled or entered a region for the first time, but I feel that a pioneer is also someone looked up to. Someone looked up to by everyone around them. Someone full of talent and fun. I can't even begin to count the number of people I know who fit this category, but I would like to recognize a just a few.



Meeshka! (yes the is the one being kissed :D)

Meeshka is a nick-name for my sister, Missy. We never really got along until a few years ago when she moved to BYU to go to college. You know that saying "You never know what you've got until it's gone?" Missy moving away gave new meaning to that for me. When she attended high school and I still went to Bonneville Elementary, Missy and I pushed each others buttons until we both went crazy. She always looked at me as the person who took her place as the baby and I always saw her as the mean older sister who didn't want anything to do with me. Now, however, Missy and I are BEST FRIENDS! Honestly, if someone were to ask me who my best friend is I would say Missy. I know it's cheesey to say your older sister, but it's only the truth. Missy isn't afraid to tell me if I'm being stupid (which I have been A LOT the last little while) and will help me even if I'm calling about a stupid boy problem at 1:00 A.M. on a school night. She always tells me when I need to shower because I smell terrible, and she tells me when I'm over reacting and helps me try to be less of a dramatic person. (those of you who know me well know I'm pretty good at being dramatic.) Though there are times when we don't exactly get along, Missy and I try to keep peace in our home, try to have fun hanging out with each other and making friends together. I love going to BYU to sleepover night and party with my sister. She may not have been the first person in the Salt Lake Valley, but she is the first person I turn to for help. She sets such a wonderful example to me of someone who keeps trying and does what she needs to to get the job done--no matter how hard it is!



Torio!

Tori Robison is someone I look up to whenever I feel like I just can't take one more step. There's a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell that says something like, "In the mutual climb on the straight and narrow path, sometimes we need friends shouting directions to us. But, sometimes it is the warm whispers that help us keep putting one foot in front of the other." Tori exhibits this quality of "giving a warm whisper" like no one I've ever met. Not by literally whispering in your ear, but by the way she walks the path of life. From the pain in her joints to the allergies to putting up with my insane bursts of hyper..ness..Tori keeps going and DOESN'T complain! One thing I know I do a lot is try to use support and sympathy from others to get through hard points in my life. In doing that I usually end up complaining and talking to everyone I know about how terrible this thing or that thing or the other thing are. She never does that. The most I've heard Tori complain about anything is "Ouch! My wrist hurts!!" It is by her amazing example that sometimes when I feel like I'm ready to give up I remember how easy she makes it look to keep going, and try to do the same.



Briiiiiiiiiiiiiigham!

Okay, now Brigham is one of those people who just makes everything good when everything's wrong! Ha, ever since the seventh grade, when we started going to school together, Brigham's been someone I've tried to live up to and be more like. His positivity shows that he loves life and has fun with whatever comes his way. We've had the same handshake for over a year now, and every time we see each other that's the first thing we do! *High ten!* *elbow!* *Bones!* *Blalalalalala!* Haha! For those of you who've seen it..you know what all that means..if not..use your imagination. It's epic. P.s. I DID start crying when I found out he was moving to Virginia :'(

Oh wow. I guess I should stop because if I don't stop somewhere this post will be...extremely long. Haha, I love all my friends and family members and look up to so many people. These are just a few who stood out to me at the moment. I hope some day I can live up to all of my friends and family, everyone sets such a wonderful example to me and I hope I can use each day to become closer and closer to as wonderful you guys are!