So...I've been victimized...

WISHES

1. To go to college and be an educated adult.

2. To stand up for what I believe in-- EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD!!

3. To live an eventful and meaningful life.

4. To show those I love that I love them.

DESTINATIONS

1. Hawaii

2. New York City

3. Philly

4. Provo...hahahahahaha ;-)

CAREERS

1. Writer

2. English teacher (highschool)

3. Highschool Music teacher

4. Mama :D

VICTIMS

1. Sarah

2. Audrey

3. Missy

4. Becca

Public School

After reading siblings and friends blogs I've felt like addressing the Public school systems. What do you guys think? Does anyone else think it's rediculous that I had two of my highschool teachers from last year tell me that "of course cheating isn't the best way to do it, but I'd rather have you make the effort to copy the answers from a friend than not do the assignment at all." HELLO?! What effort is needed to take something from one sheet of paper and transfer it to another sheet of paper? Yep. Just about as much as is needed to blink or breathe every now and then.

I also find it unfortunate that when some teachers try to come into a new school, into a new teaching environment, with new people and students, students in public schools generally seem to do everything they can to make it harder for the new teacher. Sometimes these new teachers are actually trying to make a difference in our lives and try to make us take something into our lives from their class. Take my 8th grade show choir teacher for example. Karen Maxwell. I believe it was her second year teaching at Clayton, and the boys of our year triumphed in making her cry MULTIPLE times before the year came to an end. The girls played their part too, writing notes and spouting off telling her they didn't care what she did to them, they would chew their gum and write their notes or do whatever they were doing as long as they pleased. I'm not saying I didn't do my share of note writing whilst I was in this class, but I realize now how disrespectful and obnoxious it was. If, Mrs. Maxwell, you are by chance reading this, I am very sorry. Really, I wish I could take it back.

One thing I've held dear to my heart from those teachers who make a point about actually caring where our education leads us and what we actually do with our lives is that they're teaching to make a difference. They're teaching to help us reach our full potential. To help us learn, not just get marks and grades. Isn't THAT what school should be about? I mean, who cares if you got an A in some stupid class where all you did was fill out worksheets and color in "color by numbers." who cares if you can't take anything into your life from that class except that 3= red and 7= green. The fact you didn't learn anything doesn't matter, it's the fact you got an A that does. Who cares if you get a D in a class but you learned more from that class than any other class you've ever taken in your life? That doesn't matter though, does it? It doesn't matter how much you learned, you still got a D, so you're sunk when it comes to the topic of GPA.

Teachers like Anne Story and Susan Lake(Mrs. Lake who I haven't actually had as a teacher yet, but I've heard is spectacular.) Teachers like Sharon Nagata and Nancy Peterson and Michelle Martinez are the teachers who help us realize who we truly are. We need more teachers like these to help us reach for the stars in our lives. What are we supposed to do when we get to college if we've never learned how to work? People always say "Oh...freshman year of high school will be harder" "oh don't worry, honors and AP classes are gonna be harder." Up to every year of school I've gone to, it's gotten "harder." But not in the sense that I've had to do more research or read more to learn things more in depth. It's gotten harder because every year I've gotten more and more busy work that I have to do. Word searches. Cross word puzzles. Color by numbers. How are those things gonna help us learn Geography? History? Math? How do those teach us the skills we need to develop for college?

My dad frequently reminds me that the thing most students have the hardest thing with in college is understanding the information they read. He doesn't like to let me forget that I need to keep my "Reading and Comprehension" skills tuned up. Obviously we need to read for lesiure pleasure, but is this not partly the school system's fault? If we were required to actually UNDERSTAND books we read and SHOW we understand, wouldn't that help us learn how to retain information?

And spelling? As some of you, I'm sure have already noticed, my spelling's terrible. It's not exactly what you'd call "top notch" I can work on that myself, as all of us should. But how are we going to learn how to spell if computers are doing it for us all the time. I'm actually using a computer right now that doesn't tell me if the word is spelled wrong or not and it's kinda freakin' me out because I'm realizing how many words I actually don't know how to spell. Is spelling not important anymore just because computers are here to do it for us?

In my opinion schools need three things to work.

1) Teachers who care--who actually WANT to be there.

When a student walks into a class room and begins a course, they're basically putting their educational goals into the hands of the teacher. If a teacher is unwilling to be reasonable and help the student to succeed, they should NOT be in this profession. When I say "help the student to succeed" I do NOT mean give out floating A's or be easy. I actually mean MAKE US WORK! MAKE US LEARN! MAKE US DO WHATEVER WE CAN TO GET THE MOST POINTS! If we don't deserve the points, DON'T GIVE THEM TO US!

2) Students who are willing to work and do something with their lives.

Students obviously play a huge role in a school setting. If we have teachers who actually care and who want to help us succeed we have control over how much we take in and use in our lives. If we behave the way my 8th grade did to Mrs. Maxwell, it's no wonder we don't learn anything. That's our own fault. I've heard so many people comment that she was a terrible teacher and that we didn't learn anything in that class, and every time I hear that I say something along the lines of "well if people would've just let her teach maybe we would've gotten something out of it.

3) cooperation and respect.

if teachers, administratiors, and students don't cooperate and have respect for eachother, what good is school anyway? If we can't learn how to work together in our classrooms there is no point to public schools, because schools are to learn in and without cooperation and respect no one's going to learn anything.

Emotion Basketcase much?

Effortless
Madness
Of
Teenage
Inconsistency
Over and over
Never ending

Basically my definition of teenage emotions in seven words. I'm not just talking about typical things (like boys) with teenage girls, I'm talking about in general. For example..the other night my mom made a suggestion to me and I completely freaked out! It's like I loose control of myself. After I look at things I say and how I talk back to my mom I wonder what the crap is wrong with me and why I'm being such an idiot. My mom is tied at first with my sister as the "best friend" role. I tell my mom EVERYTHING! We talk about everything from school to boys to spiritual aspects to friends to..what I'm going to wear to school the next day. And yet...I feel like I can't control myself sometimes. I can't just shrug a suggestion I don't like off my shoulder. I can't just say "Okay, mom." And walk away and be cheery. I have to make some stupid snotty comment back to her. Then before I know it I'm bawling and am shaking and have so much emotion bursting out of me at once that I honestly don't know what to do. I want to go for a walk, but my mom won't let me because I'm not in the emotional state to be walking alone. I want to just calm down and get away, but I feel like I can't. I feel trapped and yet I have emotion pouring out of every part of me like when a glass is already filled to the very top of a glass and then you attempt to put four ice cubes in. Water goes everywhere. That's what I feel like. Ah! That reminds me of a quote. It goes something like... “ There are more moments in life when the heart is so full of emotion that if , by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble drops some careless word, it overflows. Its secrets spill onto the ground like water and can never be gathered together.” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

I'm never like this with my friends. My friends see me as a happy, crazy, insane person. I love that they see me as such. But why can't I act this way with my family? Why is it so much easier for me to freak out at them. In the poem "Eloisa to Abelard" by Alexander Pope, (wonderful poem, by the way, I highly recommend reading it if you haven't) There's a line talking about Eloisa that says "Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys." In class we discussed whether or not we really think Eloisa loves Abelard, or if she's just overly obsessed with him. We/I personally concluded that her feelings are justified because she lost her innocence to him and then is forced to a life of silence. Anyway, back to the quote. Sometimes I feel like this is how I am. I know it's ridiculous, but I really do. Sometimes, I feel like I'm prisoner to my heart, and if something is bothering me where my heart is I act irrationally towards my family. Whether it's a guy, friends, my family, if anything is messing with my heart it seems to take over.

This is something I need to work on. A lot.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, "It is not because the truth is so difficult that we make mistakes...we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions - especially selfish ones." Beautiful. I know. Haha, I love this. It's not because it's too hard that we make mistakes. It's because it's comfortable. It's easy. It's a walk in the park rather than a hike through a rocky cliff. I thought of this quote though because it suggests that when we do something wrong or make a mistake, we're always just choosing the easier thing. The thing that's more comfortable and takes less effort. That may be true in most cases, but when I'm yelling at my mom because she suggests I do something different I'm not comfortable. It's not something that takes less effort. Well...I guess it does in a way.. but not really. It's not that hard to say something calm instead of something snotty and not thought through.

I don't know. I need to think. Ha, I guess I'll just leave with this quote.

" some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.”