Ode to Christmas time

My siblings were all at their spouses and boyfriend's house over Christmas day, so we had our own little celebration today and yesterday when they came home. Christmas time makes me happy. That's all there is to it, but there are a few things that make Christmas...CHRISTMAS!

1) It's not about the day you have Christmas on. Yes, it's an official holiday on December 25, but is it any fun if you have no one to share it with? When my family walked in yesterday I started crying I was so happy they were there! I know-- embarrassing!! Haha, it was actually kind of funny because my brother and sister in law were hugging so many people that I ended up crying in my sister's boyfriend's arms. Bahaha

2) Without the ones you love there, Christmas isn't half as good.

3) Cowboy boots and turquoise rings make the world spin around.

This is obviously the ring I was talking about earlier. Yeah...my dad has good taste ehh?


And these are my cowboy boots! YYYEEAHH! If I had it my way I'd live on a ranch in Montana with my horses and cows. ..If only dreams were a reality ;)

Merry Christmas all!!

Peace out chubs!

Just a thought

One night my family and I were all sitting in the living room talking to some friends of ours. About halfway through our conversation one of the men (there were two of them) reached over and handed me a piece of paper with two airplanes on it. One was the Wright brothers (Sp?..that's embarrassing...) first air plane and the other was the most advanced technologically that we have today. Our friend talked to us about how these air planes represent our lives. We build our own plane. It's not like having the Wright brothers' plane would be bad-- at least it's an airplane.. but wouldn't it be so much better to have the technologically advanced plane? You could do so many more things and have so many more things and give such amazing things.



After our friends left I took this thought a step further in my head. You build your own plane, right? And the plane represents our life. After we decide what we're going to do with our life and choose a career and have built our airplane, what next? Have any of you ever seen that old movie "The Even Stevens Movie?" It was a T.V. show and then they made a movie out of it. Anyway, in the movie, the Stevens family thinks they're going to some tropical island to participate in a reality show, but really they get in an airplane and ride around in circles for hours and then land at a local beach the T.V. station has disguised to look like some far away paradise. Think about it..What if we applied this to our lives. We first build our airplane, and then WE decide where it goes! WE choose if we want to ride around in circles for hours and then land back home or if we want to ride in the plane for hours and end up in Paris, France. Or wherever you might want to go the most. We are the pilots of our own lives. We decide..no matter how much we wish it were up to someone else..it's our life; our plane; our destination. What will you do with it? ..Just a thought

Twas the night before Christmas...

Oh man, tonight will be such a blast! I've got the Christmas Eve party here with my family and I Missy, Mike, Dave, Kristin and Patten will be there along with my parents and all of my dad's extended family! Talk about HUGE HEADACHE! ...And LOADS OF FUN! Hahahaha, I'm quite excited to say the lease.

Hmmm...I don't usually do many updates on this thing, but I guess I might as well ehh?

-I got sick starting about...last Wednesday. My glands were so swollen I honestly didn't know if they were my glands or not. They were bigger than they'd EVER been before! I had little white cuts all over the back of my throat that made me want to throw up when I saw them, and for part of the time I was so tired I couldn't even stand. ..I'm sure you all REALLY wanted to know that, but I'm better now! SO WHOOO!

-I finally took my Christmas presents around last night. I gave the usual..lotions and creams. With the occasional "grow your own aquarium" and toy elephant. Haha that was a lot of fun...OH! And I gave Tori a 10 pack of juice boxes because she always gives me her juice at lunch! Hahaha, I don't know if you guys could tell, but I'm not exactly in to the whole "nice present" thing. I don't know why..I'm just too lazy or something. so I just go with the 2 dollar toys at Albertsons ;) (P.S. I haven't given out all my presents yet, so if you read this and haven't gotten one yet, do not dismay!)

-When I took my presents around I sat and talked to some of my friends which was fun because I've been cooped up in my room for the last little while. I talked to Tori and she was very happy about her juice, haha. My favorite quote from last night was definitely when Thomas introduced me to his dad--

Thomas: Dad, this is Natalie, she's Dave Johnson's little sister...Dave was good friends with Ben in highschool. Do you remember him?

Thomas's dad (Sad, I didn't even catch his name): Oh yeah, I remember Dave!

Thomas: She had a crush on Ben!!....when she was like 6!

TD: Oh, well good thing you got over that, haha.

Thomas: Yeah, she had a little trouble when she found out he was getting married.

Natalie: Yeah, it took me a little while to get over myself, but I eventually was okay!

TD: Well, it's nice to meet you, Natalie!

*Thomas's dad begins walking away...*

Thomas: OH! And she's a BYU fan!

TD: ....Oh....Well...don't keep her here too long, son.

Hahahahahahaha this is pretty much how his conversation with my parents went when they met when he came over to wish me happy birthday. Except, instead of ME bringing up that he's a Utah fan HE did and my parents thought he was a "great guy."

-It's sunny outside...which kind of worries me because it's Christmas Eve and it looks like there's not chance of recieving any more snow than we've already got! :'(

-Tyler, Becca, Dave, Kristin, Patten, Missy, and Mike will be here next week for our Christmas celebration. All those people will be away for the actual Christmas day celebration, so we're having our own Christmas next week when all of them can be present. My mom, dad, and I are opening our "Santa" presents tomorrow morning and then waiting to open the rest when everyone else can be there with us. I'm excited for our traditional game of Running Charades...as long as dad doesn't pick like...Laurence Welk and Great Expectations again. I'm going to have to sing Taylor the Latte Boy for Becca so she knows what it is this time around ;) AND....I'm gonna have to have a friend come over and play with us because now that Missy has Mike (hahah M&M!!! Never saw that one before) we have uneven teams and TRUST ME!!!!! Mike really does make a difference! When he was on Missy's team they always won! And when he was on my team WE always won! So....I'm gonna have to make the teams even this time.

Hmm...I think that's about all the updates I have for now...

Merry Christmas everyone! I guess I'll make this blog post all the more cheesy and end it with one of my very favorite Christmas songs.

I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams!

Merry Christmas all! And Peace out Chubs!!

Acidemic Integrity

Okay everyone, I know I've written about school before, and I know everyone thinks it's the most boring topic ever, but I need to write again. I need to vent and I need to introduce some ideas to everyone who reads. (which very well may be like three people...but that's okay.)

Cheating.

This particular type of cheating may not go on as often as other types. But, really, what IS cheating? Does taking a friend's worksheet and writing down the answers as your own count as cheating? Is it bad to do? Does it really matter? Maybe it doesn't matter for that specific class...maybe it's not a big deal. But if you do it in one class, what's to say you won't try to do it in other classes as well? What's to say you won't cheat in higher places like med-school or try to take a short cut in surgery. Maybe you didn't pay attention in your English class on how to properly write an essay and you just had someone else write it for you. Then when you're applying to college you write some crap essay that gets you no where-- if anywhere farther away from where you WANT to be. Maybe you didn't pay attention in that math class and you copy the answer from a friend. Accidentally, you leave the negative sign off the answer. Meh...no big deal. Well, imagine a few years later, you're an engineer and you have a similar type of promlem. You do everything right on the problem except put that little insignificant negative sign on. There is no partial credit this time. You're not just risking your grade. You actually send in your calculations and they begin to build the bridge you did the calculation for. About two weeks after they build the bridge you turn on the news only to find that your bridge has fallen down. ONE LITTLE negavite sign made your entire bridge fall down. (As much as that may seem like a made up scenario, it's not. I know a guy who actually had this happen.) So what's the big deal? I'm just in highschool, it's not like I'm building bridges or anything. Does that mean it doesn't matter? Cheating happens WWWWWAAAAYYYY to frequently at East High School, and I'm sure other schools as well. We need to take a stand as students and say NO to cheating. WE are the future leaders of America. WE are the future surgons and doctors who will be cutting into real people whos lives depend on us! WE are the future lawyers. We are the future teachers. WE are the future of America. If all we do is cheat right now, who's to say we won't just cheat later.

Teachers

Not only do WE, as students, need to have integrity and do our own work, but we also need teachers who care and WANT to teach us. People often overlook the importance of good teachers in the highschool environment because...well I don't know exactly why. Maybe because it's just highschool and it really doesn't matter THAT much. Maybe it's because people don't realize just how bad some of the teachers are. Maybe they just don't really care. I'm not exactly sure. A teacher is one of the single most important people in an adolecant's life. Not only do they teach us, but when we walk in to that class room we hand over a part of our educational future to the one who operates that classroom. OBVIOUSLY we have to do the work they give us. OBVIOUSLY we need to try hard in the class. But we CANNOT do it alone!!!! We need the help of the teachers! We need to get the information needed to perform well on tests and other measurements of logic. We should not be expected to learn things by ourself from the book ALL of the time. I know learning from the book is an important skill, but it should NOT be expected all the time. Teachers should be in the teaching environment to teach. Not to earn money. Not to simply get by. If you expect us students to spend more than half our lives with you then you better be willing to teach us what we need to know to pass AP tests, pass classes, and just be an overall intelligent person. Teachers need to make rules and enforce them. Make them AAAANNNDDDDD enforce them.

Students

Students!! We have just as much responsibility as teachers do in sculpting a good learning environment! We MUST do our homework. We NEED to be honest about it! We NEED to pay attention in class. We need to do what we can to become intelligent. If we don't take in the information our teachers feed us, why should we expect them to feed us more? Do not ask friends if you can copy their homework because you were up late last night. Do not think it's no big deal to talk through the teacher while they're trying to teach. Do not aim to be the class clown. Do not try to be defiant towards your teachers. Most of what I have to say about students is up where I talked about cheating. Seriously, if we're going to spend six hours a day in school, why don't we learn something while we're there.


The things I've talked about all mix with eachother. You need all of them to have a good learning environment. Without one it's like taking the bottom block off of a tower of blocks. Everything comes tumbling down. One more thing we need to finish off our learning environment is respect. There are times in school, and in other places I'm sure, where it's not about learning anymore. It's not about having a good education. It's about respect. Simple respect. Without respect we lose everything. I want to be able to trust the people who operate on my body in the future. I don't want to have to tell my parents my teachers don't care about cheating anymore. I don't want to have to say no to my friends who want to cheat off me because it's so normal anymore....do you?

Thank you for the water

Have you ever tried to describe the taste of water? Water is SO GOOD! I love it! Whenever I drink it (especially when I'm really thirsty) it tastes so refreshing and wonderful! But.. it's kinda hard to describe it's taste. Haha, I don't know. I just can't really do it. To me it tastes plain and..like water. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to describe water during hard moments of my life. I feel things so deeply and so passionately and yet.. I can't express my feelings the way I feel them. Sometimes it's because I'm not necessarily supposed to feel the way I do. Therefore, if I show how I feel or tell others how I feel I get punished for it. Sometimes I really, truly, just can't explain how I feel. It seems impossible.

I know everyone's going to do this because Thanksgiving's coming up, but I want to write about some things I'm thankful for. Starting with....

MISSY!!! Haha, I know I've written about her before but I have to write about her agian. I love her to pieces. I love her THIS MUCH *stretching arms out as wide as I can* The example she sets to me is the best example I could hope for from an older sister. We didn't enjoy eachother's company much when we were younger, but now every time she comes home I jump and shout for joy...literally. Haha! I remember when I was little I was always so scared to go to sleep because I always had nightmares so I'd ask her if I could have a sleepover with her. I remember trying to stay up and talk to her about my first through ninth grade crushes when I slept in there, but she'd always say "okay Nat, time to go to sleep." Then the next time I came in for a sleepover she said "Okay, you can sleep here, but if you come in here we're going to sleep, not talking!" Hahaha! Oh wow. Now I still go have sleepovers with her sometimes, but instead of being across the hall, I get to go a whole hour away from home to P-town and have a party! Thank you, Missy, for being an example to me. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for teaching me to keep highschool drama out of my life as much as possible. Thank you for teaching me how to keep pushing. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being Mike's girlfriend. Thank you for living somewhat close to home. Thank you for being my sister! :-D


TYLER AND BECCA! I feel as if I'm repeating myself because I JUST wrote something on how much I love Becca, but I'm so thankful for having a brother and sister as amazing and sincere as Tyler and Becca are. Becca is just a happy, bright, fun person to be around. Not to mention she has one of the most beautiful voices known to the world. Ever. The end! But she also provides someone to talk to whenever you need it. Becca and I slept in the same bed the same night we met! Haha, I guess that's why we're so close. ;-) OH! And she was wearing my shoes on her first date with Tyler. (Missy borrowed them from me who then lent them to her and then when she saw me she said "I promise I didn't steal these, your sister let me borrow them!" Hahaha, as if I really cared :D) Tyler is probably the single smartest and one of the most spiritual people I've ever met in my entire life. He is one of the only guys I can trust with my "guy problems" and he helps me with genuine kindness. Tyler and Becca both love me and want to protect me from anything that would potentially make me sad (even if that means telling me someone's a manipulative jerk when I don't want to hear it, haha) Ty and Becca, I love you guys, and thank you so much for everything! I only wish you lived closer!!



DAVE AND KRISTIN!...AND PATTEN!
Yay for another amazing sister-in-law and the cutes nephew in the entire world! Dave and I were super close before he left on his mission. I remember we had this saying-- I think it was something he taught me when I was really little. Whenever we did something good or did a job well done we said "Thumbs up dude!!" And then stick both our thumbs up. Haha, also, I remember one Christmas morning, he gave me...something (I don't even remember what it was) but it was in a box. When I took the paper off the box I looked down at it, got extreamly excited and said "IT'S A BOX!!!! THANK YOU!!" ...I guess I really liked boxes or something. I still remember the first time I met Kristin. She and Dave were going to the Red Iguana for dinner, and they just stopped by the house for directions or something and Dave introduced us. I loved her! Even from just the little bit we said to eachother. I LOVED HER! And then I became so happy to be around her and treated her like my real big sister. If you know me..you know I'm an extremely cuddly person so when I started treating her like my sister I started cuddling with her a lot and...I'm sure she just loved it! Ahh!! Cute little PINTO! I love him to death! Whenever I need something to cheer me up I just have Dave and Kristin bring him over. I love all you guys!

As terrifying as this is, I don't have a picture of my parents together on here...except one, but my mom would kill me if I put it up because she's in her nighty. Anyway... I love my parents so much! I love my parents because they help me. They love me. They love me even when I make wrong choices. They love me when I yell and scream in their faces. They love me when I'm talking about stupid boy trouble. They love me when I say rude things about my family that I don't mean. They're supportive and..oh did I mention they love me? From endless sessions of Hair cut Lady to watching Pixar movies over and over, I love my parents always and forever.
I love technology
But not as much as you you see!
But I still love technology!
Always and forever!!

There's a little somthin' for dad :)



I know this is a picture of the Oakland temple, but it..represents what I'm trying to say. I am so thankful for seminary. Some of my most favorite spiritual expirences have happened within the walls of the East high seminary building. One particular occasion was at the beginning of this year. We listened to the words of Elder McKonkie (Sp?) 's final address as we watched a video of the atonement and Christ being nailed to the cross. It was an amazing thing for me. Something I really needed to hear/see at the time and something I will never forget. Seminary helps me in SO many ways! I love it with all my heart.

Happy Thanksgiving all! Peace out chubs! :D

365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. 1 year.

It's amazing to look at all the things that can happen in one year. ..I can't believe how much I will have changed in two. Since November 15, 2007 I have...

-Had a brother marry (and in return gotten a wonderful new sister-in-law)
-Gone to a Spice Girls concert
-Went to Vegas with my best friends
-Made a complete fool of myself
-Been in two plays
-Met one of my best friends Rosie
-Discovered ninesquare and dodgeball
-Written two songs I absolutely love
-Had my first kiss
-Felt important
-Cried a lot
-Smiled a lot
-Laughed like there was no tomorrow
-Tried out for the basketball team
-Seen one of my best friends from Illinois
-Had a best friend move to Virginia
-Had my cousin and other friends leave on missions

There's more, I know there is, but it's amazing to think that a year ago I wasn't wrapped up in all the things I am today. It's crazy to think that I didn't have to worry about writing missionaries in Japan or that the highschool drama really doesn't matter and even though sometimes things are hard....you'll get over it!


A year ago today we were awaiting the marriage of my brother Tyler to Becca T Warthen. She's amazing. I had a blast when I went to visit them this summer. I can't imagine having better sisters-in-law than the two I have. I love Becca with all my heart and admire her in all the things she does. Living in Philly wouldn't be easy. Especially when your husband goes to one of the top schools in the country and you're surrounded by people who are....extremely smart so you may feel..a little out of place. I love her for standing up for what she believes in and for being a patriot to the United states. She loves this country more than life its self and I love her with everything I have. I wish there were some way to show my gratitude for her, but nothing I ever do will convey the feelings of love I have towards her and the difference she makes in other's lives.

A year ago today I anxiously waited to be in the car driving to Vegas where I'd spend December 6-9 with my the best friends in the entire world. We always had an obsession with the Spice Girls, so when we heard they were having a reunion tour we put our names into a drawing hoping to get lucky. We never thought we'd actually get the tickets, but we did!! We had such a blast! We went all around Vegas and then went to the concert. We went swimming OUTSIDE even though it was December...and even thought it was Vegas...it was still too cold for swimming. We had fun taking model pictures and making fun of the T.V. shows they had playing for little kids and we started dancing like Goofy. (the dog...or at least I think that's what he is...) We all stood outside this fountain (in the mpicture above) and made a wish for the future. I still haven't told anyone my wish..but it definitely did come true. ..and not too long after. Maybe dreams really do come true if we just hope it, think it, and have enough faith in it.


A year ago today I wasn't friends with one of the best friends I've ever had. Rosie is so amazing because I can go crying to her about anything and she won't make me feel like a complete idiot because I'm crying about that specific thing. She'll sit and listen to me and be sincere in trying to help me feel better. I love having that. I don't have to worry about annoying the crap out of her because I'm complaining about the same thing over and over again. She truly doesn't care. And that's one of the best qualities a friend can have. The ability to listen and be there.

I could say so much more, but I have to go eat. I'll continue this post later! Peace out chubs

Oh That I were an Angel

Ahh. If you've never heard the song..I highly recommend hearing it. The words are beautiful. I have a question. Have any of you wondered what the world would do if you died tomorrow? I sat wondering this today as a friend and I talked about Madeline Hales and how sudden her departure from this Earth was. As I sat and thought I didn't know what to think. I knew people would be sad (at least I hope..) But seriously, would anyone hold services more than a funeral for me like they did Madeline? Would anyone care after the first few weeks or maybe months after my death? Hmm...it's just an interesting thing to think about.

Oh my goodness. I have to take a minute to tell everyone how much I appreciate Audrey. I have so many wonderful friends, but Audrey is such a wonderful example to me! I never hear one word of gossip or bad talking come out of her mouth! I love her with everything I have! If anyone ever needs a friend I know she's right there waiting to help anyone who needs her. Audrey is the only girl I've kissed (on the cheek of course.. :D) and this week in the dressing room for the play we shared a new loving for eachother which was me sitting on her lap pantless!! :D Hahaha, that sounds a lot worse and a lot different than what it was. Ha, I was waiting for my dress to have the fringe added to it for the play and I got tired of sitting so I sat on her lap in my nylons and underwear :) Anyway, Audrey just makes me happy and I love her little sister like she was my own and her dad is a WONDERFUL taxi driver!

So, going back to my first paragraph! I LOVE music. I tried out for the basketball team yesterday (didn't make it) and I'm kind of glad I didn't. It would've been SO much fun! Especially because I would've gotten to spend so much time with Tori, and I really do love basketball. BUT...I realized my place is on stage. In the words of Mrs. Meers from Thoroughly Modern Millie "I could play any role if you give me the right wig!!" Okay...So that's a bit of a stretch. But I really do love acting and I love singing even more. I love the thrill of being someone else and completely loosing myself in character. I love music in it's self. I've written HUNDREDS of songs since I was little, but I have three that I absolutely love and really remember. Closed for Construction, Sunny Skies, and Meaningless words. They all have meaning and tell a story. They're all closer to my heart than...most things are. They're my way of venting my feelings. When I played Meaningless words for my friends a l ot of them said "Wow.....That's really good..but kinda depressing." Haha, it's true. I've had older posts about emotion and I've found a good way to control emotion is by writing and playing. I think I'm playing either Sunny Skies or Closed for Construction for the Sophomore assembly. I'm excited.

GGGGGGGGGAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys!! I SERIOUSLY can't take school! Not because it's too hard..but because I have Mr. McNaughton! Okay, I know I've written about learning vs. marks and grades..but this man is RIDICULOUS! I've written drafts of articles to put in the newspaper about learning vs. Marks and grades but I'm still deciding which to send in. Teachers should be more respected and more...ranked in their status. Without teachers no one would be able to be the lawyers, doctors, or anything else like that. We owe everything to teachers, and they deserve more respect. Likewise...teachers should teach because they WANT to and should care about helping their students.

Well...I guess that's about it for today. Peace out chubs

So...I've been victimized...

WISHES

1. To go to college and be an educated adult.

2. To stand up for what I believe in-- EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD!!

3. To live an eventful and meaningful life.

4. To show those I love that I love them.

DESTINATIONS

1. Hawaii

2. New York City

3. Philly

4. Provo...hahahahahaha ;-)

CAREERS

1. Writer

2. English teacher (highschool)

3. Highschool Music teacher

4. Mama :D

VICTIMS

1. Sarah

2. Audrey

3. Missy

4. Becca

Public School

After reading siblings and friends blogs I've felt like addressing the Public school systems. What do you guys think? Does anyone else think it's rediculous that I had two of my highschool teachers from last year tell me that "of course cheating isn't the best way to do it, but I'd rather have you make the effort to copy the answers from a friend than not do the assignment at all." HELLO?! What effort is needed to take something from one sheet of paper and transfer it to another sheet of paper? Yep. Just about as much as is needed to blink or breathe every now and then.

I also find it unfortunate that when some teachers try to come into a new school, into a new teaching environment, with new people and students, students in public schools generally seem to do everything they can to make it harder for the new teacher. Sometimes these new teachers are actually trying to make a difference in our lives and try to make us take something into our lives from their class. Take my 8th grade show choir teacher for example. Karen Maxwell. I believe it was her second year teaching at Clayton, and the boys of our year triumphed in making her cry MULTIPLE times before the year came to an end. The girls played their part too, writing notes and spouting off telling her they didn't care what she did to them, they would chew their gum and write their notes or do whatever they were doing as long as they pleased. I'm not saying I didn't do my share of note writing whilst I was in this class, but I realize now how disrespectful and obnoxious it was. If, Mrs. Maxwell, you are by chance reading this, I am very sorry. Really, I wish I could take it back.

One thing I've held dear to my heart from those teachers who make a point about actually caring where our education leads us and what we actually do with our lives is that they're teaching to make a difference. They're teaching to help us reach our full potential. To help us learn, not just get marks and grades. Isn't THAT what school should be about? I mean, who cares if you got an A in some stupid class where all you did was fill out worksheets and color in "color by numbers." who cares if you can't take anything into your life from that class except that 3= red and 7= green. The fact you didn't learn anything doesn't matter, it's the fact you got an A that does. Who cares if you get a D in a class but you learned more from that class than any other class you've ever taken in your life? That doesn't matter though, does it? It doesn't matter how much you learned, you still got a D, so you're sunk when it comes to the topic of GPA.

Teachers like Anne Story and Susan Lake(Mrs. Lake who I haven't actually had as a teacher yet, but I've heard is spectacular.) Teachers like Sharon Nagata and Nancy Peterson and Michelle Martinez are the teachers who help us realize who we truly are. We need more teachers like these to help us reach for the stars in our lives. What are we supposed to do when we get to college if we've never learned how to work? People always say "Oh...freshman year of high school will be harder" "oh don't worry, honors and AP classes are gonna be harder." Up to every year of school I've gone to, it's gotten "harder." But not in the sense that I've had to do more research or read more to learn things more in depth. It's gotten harder because every year I've gotten more and more busy work that I have to do. Word searches. Cross word puzzles. Color by numbers. How are those things gonna help us learn Geography? History? Math? How do those teach us the skills we need to develop for college?

My dad frequently reminds me that the thing most students have the hardest thing with in college is understanding the information they read. He doesn't like to let me forget that I need to keep my "Reading and Comprehension" skills tuned up. Obviously we need to read for lesiure pleasure, but is this not partly the school system's fault? If we were required to actually UNDERSTAND books we read and SHOW we understand, wouldn't that help us learn how to retain information?

And spelling? As some of you, I'm sure have already noticed, my spelling's terrible. It's not exactly what you'd call "top notch" I can work on that myself, as all of us should. But how are we going to learn how to spell if computers are doing it for us all the time. I'm actually using a computer right now that doesn't tell me if the word is spelled wrong or not and it's kinda freakin' me out because I'm realizing how many words I actually don't know how to spell. Is spelling not important anymore just because computers are here to do it for us?

In my opinion schools need three things to work.

1) Teachers who care--who actually WANT to be there.

When a student walks into a class room and begins a course, they're basically putting their educational goals into the hands of the teacher. If a teacher is unwilling to be reasonable and help the student to succeed, they should NOT be in this profession. When I say "help the student to succeed" I do NOT mean give out floating A's or be easy. I actually mean MAKE US WORK! MAKE US LEARN! MAKE US DO WHATEVER WE CAN TO GET THE MOST POINTS! If we don't deserve the points, DON'T GIVE THEM TO US!

2) Students who are willing to work and do something with their lives.

Students obviously play a huge role in a school setting. If we have teachers who actually care and who want to help us succeed we have control over how much we take in and use in our lives. If we behave the way my 8th grade did to Mrs. Maxwell, it's no wonder we don't learn anything. That's our own fault. I've heard so many people comment that she was a terrible teacher and that we didn't learn anything in that class, and every time I hear that I say something along the lines of "well if people would've just let her teach maybe we would've gotten something out of it.

3) cooperation and respect.

if teachers, administratiors, and students don't cooperate and have respect for eachother, what good is school anyway? If we can't learn how to work together in our classrooms there is no point to public schools, because schools are to learn in and without cooperation and respect no one's going to learn anything.

Emotion Basketcase much?

Effortless
Madness
Of
Teenage
Inconsistency
Over and over
Never ending

Basically my definition of teenage emotions in seven words. I'm not just talking about typical things (like boys) with teenage girls, I'm talking about in general. For example..the other night my mom made a suggestion to me and I completely freaked out! It's like I loose control of myself. After I look at things I say and how I talk back to my mom I wonder what the crap is wrong with me and why I'm being such an idiot. My mom is tied at first with my sister as the "best friend" role. I tell my mom EVERYTHING! We talk about everything from school to boys to spiritual aspects to friends to..what I'm going to wear to school the next day. And yet...I feel like I can't control myself sometimes. I can't just shrug a suggestion I don't like off my shoulder. I can't just say "Okay, mom." And walk away and be cheery. I have to make some stupid snotty comment back to her. Then before I know it I'm bawling and am shaking and have so much emotion bursting out of me at once that I honestly don't know what to do. I want to go for a walk, but my mom won't let me because I'm not in the emotional state to be walking alone. I want to just calm down and get away, but I feel like I can't. I feel trapped and yet I have emotion pouring out of every part of me like when a glass is already filled to the very top of a glass and then you attempt to put four ice cubes in. Water goes everywhere. That's what I feel like. Ah! That reminds me of a quote. It goes something like... “ There are more moments in life when the heart is so full of emotion that if , by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble drops some careless word, it overflows. Its secrets spill onto the ground like water and can never be gathered together.” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

I'm never like this with my friends. My friends see me as a happy, crazy, insane person. I love that they see me as such. But why can't I act this way with my family? Why is it so much easier for me to freak out at them. In the poem "Eloisa to Abelard" by Alexander Pope, (wonderful poem, by the way, I highly recommend reading it if you haven't) There's a line talking about Eloisa that says "Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys." In class we discussed whether or not we really think Eloisa loves Abelard, or if she's just overly obsessed with him. We/I personally concluded that her feelings are justified because she lost her innocence to him and then is forced to a life of silence. Anyway, back to the quote. Sometimes I feel like this is how I am. I know it's ridiculous, but I really do. Sometimes, I feel like I'm prisoner to my heart, and if something is bothering me where my heart is I act irrationally towards my family. Whether it's a guy, friends, my family, if anything is messing with my heart it seems to take over.

This is something I need to work on. A lot.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, "It is not because the truth is so difficult that we make mistakes...we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions - especially selfish ones." Beautiful. I know. Haha, I love this. It's not because it's too hard that we make mistakes. It's because it's comfortable. It's easy. It's a walk in the park rather than a hike through a rocky cliff. I thought of this quote though because it suggests that when we do something wrong or make a mistake, we're always just choosing the easier thing. The thing that's more comfortable and takes less effort. That may be true in most cases, but when I'm yelling at my mom because she suggests I do something different I'm not comfortable. It's not something that takes less effort. Well...I guess it does in a way.. but not really. It's not that hard to say something calm instead of something snotty and not thought through.

I don't know. I need to think. Ha, I guess I'll just leave with this quote.

" some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.”

Okay, I heard a new song from Lady Antebellum, and I thought I was gonna puke. The song said something to the effect of "How 'bout baby we make a promise to not promise anything more than one night. Complicated situations only get worse in the morning light...hey I'm just lookin' for a good time." ..It makes me sick to hear something like that. I mean, sure, I guess if you've established before hand that your relationship means nothing and there's absolutely NO EMOTION or feelings tied to the physical relations you have with someone, that's better than if you just...are in a relationship with someone and then you break up with them telling them none of it ever meant anything. I don't know. It just make me mad to hear songs like this? Does anyone agree? Does the world really look at a relationship as something that's just for fun that doesn't really have a purpose?

In English the other day we were talking about love and what it means. One kid said something like "Well, I personally thing marriage is stupid because all it does is screw up families and relationships like it did with my parents." I felt so bad for this kid because obviously he's had to deal with divorce in his family. I also felt bad for him because with that divorce happening, it's blinded his view of how wonderful marriage can be. Marriage is something that takes commitment and that, yes, does need to be endured rather than just lived sometimes. That doesn't mean its a terrible thing. Media focuses too much on the physical side of relationships and not enough on the true meat. What really keeps a relationship alive. The part where you actually get to know the person you're in a relationship. Where you talk to them and listen to what's happening in their life. Communication is the key to having a good relationship. When someone tells another they love them, does that mean "Oh, I love you, but if we ever disagree on something or you ever do anything to hurt me it's over." Is that what people mean when they say "I love you?" It seems like it to me. Through things we watch in movies and just in seeing relationships with friends and family members. It's like communication doesn't exist. Like if we actually tried to talk something out it would most definitely kill us. I'm not saying communication can cure any broken relationship, but if people would try harder, I promise there would be less problems in broken families and ruined lives from divorce.

There's another song this post makes me think of. A song that's words...just listen.
Last night I got served a little too much of that poison baby
Last night I did things I'm not proud of
And I got a little crazy
Last night I met a guy on the dance floor
And I let him call me baby

And I don't even know his last name
Oh, my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know his last name

We left the club right around three o'clock in the morning
His Pinto sitting there in the parking lot Well it should have been a warning
I had no clue what I was getting into
So I blame it on the Cuervo
Oh where did my manners go?

And I don't even know his last name
Oh, my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know his last name
Here we go...

Today I woke up thinkin' about Elvis somewhere in Vegas
I'm not sure how I got here
Or how this ring on my left hand just appeared out of nowhere
I gotta go
I take the chips and the Pinto and hit the road
They say what happens here stays here
All of this will disappear
There's just one little problem...

I don't even know my last name
Oh my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned in,
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name

What have I done
What have I done
What have I done
Oh, what have I done
I don't even know my last name

It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned into
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name

It turned into
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know my last name"

Uhh...Yeah. That seems cool to me too. Lets just go get drunk somewhere and get married just like that. It's like marriage doesn't even imply commitment anymore because there's always the option of getting a divorce.

What is love? Is love really just a word people use to get more now days? Is it just a word? Is there nothing attached to it like there used to be? When I think of love, I think of fire. It seems like from the world's perspective, love is a temporal fire that will eventually die down and burn into nothing. The way I see it, love should be an everlasting fire. Like the one Moses saw when he saw the burning bush. A temporal fire burns wood. It consumes it's fuel, whereas the fire on the bush burned bright, but didn't consume the bush or leave baron land. Is this not what we should mean when we tell someone we "love" them?

Little Things

Once before this I blogged about our purpose in life. As another religious post, I wanted to address something I really would like feedback on if possible. I just wonder why it's so hard for me, and others, to do the right thing when we're taught they're counsel from God. Small things like wearing shorts that are too short. Dating before we're sixteen. Not drinking coffee or alcohol. They're not big things. Yet...some of the time it seems almost impossible for me to not wear shorts that may not be terribly short...but are shorter than the church standard sets them. These are mostly just jumbled thoughts. Again, remember, if you feel uncomfortable just click the little 'X' in the top right hand corner of your screen. I don't make you read me blog, so please don't be offended by anything I write.

As I got ready for bed last night, I was sitting down to read my scriptures before I actually went to sleep. I decided to read my For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, and read the 'Dress and Appearance' section first. The first line reads "Your body is God's sacred creation." from reading this I feel that if I want to truly believe the words that come later and want to make it easier to follow the modesty standard of the church, I need to develop a firm testimony of that first statement. Do I honestly believe my body to be a sacred creation and Gift from God? Later on the section reads "Your dress and grooming send messages about you to others and influence the way you and others act." How true is that. Seriously, how many times have you been in the situation where some girl walks in wearing short shorts and a tank top and for some odd reason that no one can exactly put their finger on, all the guys in the group flock to that girl and flirt with her like there's no tomorrow? I can't tell you how many times I've seen things like that happen.

This morning, after having read these words and praying about them I started cleaning my room like I normally do on Saturday mornings. As I picked up the mounds of clothes I came across my one pair of little red short shorts. Not incredibly short..but short enough that every time I wear them, I think all people see is my legs. Like nothing else on my body is visible. I suddenly start to notice guys complimenting me and giving me hugs and touching me in ways that they otherwise never do. Sometimes I think they're cute. When they're on I feel embarrassed and stupid that I gave in to the temporal side of myself. I picked up my shorts, went to the kitchen, got the kitchen sheers, and started cutting my shorts. I cut the shorts in to tiny pieces and then took the scraps of short shorts to the big, green garbage can in our garage. I started crying as I threw the remains away. Not because I was so sad they were gone, but because I felt so at peace with the choice I'd made. Cutting the shorts seems extremely cheesey and unnecessary. It may be. But I felt as if cutting the shorts was symbolic of me making a promise that I'd try to do better when it came to dressing modestly. After all, if you're always in the presence of God, wouldn't you always want to be dressed accordingly?

It's been way too long...

here's something I saw happen at school yesterday. Sitting at lunch, my friend and I were talking, when I saw a boy (We'll call him Billy) being made fun of and him starting to get extremely angry. Now, it's a known fact that this boy gets mad REALLY easily and that he will try to start a fight even though it's apparent he'll lose by a mile. Apparently, what happened is that Billy was listening to his iPod, and someone asked what he was listening to. He showed them the album cover and I guess there was a picture of a partially naked girl on the front cover of the Album/CD. I understand why people may be shocked by such an image, but at the same time..the guys who started making fun of this kid are the same guys who talk about how sweet it was they got to stay right next to Hooters last year in Vegas for their baseball trip. The same guys who listen to Biance (Sp?) and Jessica Simpson and have the same types of pictures on their iPods as well. As they made fun of him, he obviously got furious and started picking a fight. Then, as usual, a teacher comes by, sees Billy picking the fight, and Billy's the one who gets in trouble. Yes. Billy gets in trouble when he's been unjustly provoked. Why do people do this? I mean, yes, it is kind of funny to see someone get as mad as Billy gets so easily. But seriously, who just goes around doing that for fun?? Just because you can control yourself better than other's doesn't mean you're better than them in any way. It just makes me so mad. I should've said something. I honestly can't believe I just sat there and let it happen.

Wow. I do hope that in writing this I haven't offended anyone. I just have a few thoughts pouring out of my head right now. I wish I could write them all here..

I miss Brigham.

Gravity

Today in Sunday School my mom taught a lesson that I'd like to title "Gravity." She read a story my brother Tyler wrote called "Gravity" about my father's life, and his sister, Theresa's, story. My mom often asks me if I've read this story Tyler gave us last year for Christmas. I always said yes. The truth is..I hadn't.

As my mom read through the story I found myself sitting with tears streaming down both sides of my face as I listened. I tried so hard to stop crying, but just couldn't. I'd heard bits and pieces of my dad's childhood, and did know that Aunt Theresa struggled with the church a bit, but there were so many things in this story I did NOT know. I didn't know, for instance, that Aunt Theresa was a hippie. Nor did I know she had a husband before my uncle Dan. I didn't know she had a close seminary teacher who's friendship played a vital part in her returning to the church. The fact that that she came back with a list an inch thick of things she asked forgiveness for amazes me, and I'm sure will help me remember when I've made mistakes that I can ALWAYS be forgiven.

As this is a very personal and somewhat private story, this will turn out to be a rather short post. I just want to close with a quote from the story that brings me near tears every time I hear it:

"God's love is like gravity. You can hate it, curse it, and say it doesn't exist, but it's always there, and is always working."

Mind Tricks

It's amazing to me how the human brain can be totally convinced at one moment that something isn't a big deal; that it doesn't matter, and that you honestly DO NOT CARE! Then, the next minute, your mind is chalk full of vivid images of certain events and you feel your heart breaking ever so slowly. It's like a little kid pulling a piece of paper apart when they're just learning how to use their hands. Gradually. Slowly. And you wish you could yank it from their hands and rip it for them, simply because you're running out of time and that little piece of paper is only coming apart one small strand at a time.
Do you readers understand the feeling I'm talking about? It's like when something hits you for the first time. Yes, you knew about it before, but it's not just starting to engulf your thoughts. To wrap a blanket of hopelessness around you and swallow you whole.
I'm also amazed at how many different situations this can be. Take a death for instance. I know, when my grandfather died, i started bawling the moment my dad told me. But I think that was merely the shock of knowing he was gone, because later on that day, I was completely fine. I told myself "He's with God now!" or "He's up there waiting for me." I knew I'd see him again, because families are forever. A few days later, I remember waking up and all I could see was my grandpa's dead body laying in his bed and my mom performing CPR on him. Horrific. Paralyzing. Petrifying. Those are words that come to mind remembering grandpa Fred's passing. I felt like a part of me drifted off with him. Like a part of me was missing. I heard people sniffling and blowing their noses. I looked around my small room covered in flowery wallpaper. No one. I heard sobs and cries for help. No one. All the sudden this tragedy became so real to me. But why?
"Some minds remain open long enough for the truth not only to enter but to pass on through by way of a ready exit without pausing anywhere along the route." This quote from Elizabeth Kenny shares an important and vital message to all who read it. It shows that not only do we need to open our minds to hear truth, but keep it open and let it pass through. Whether the truth be good or bad news, whether it helps or hurts us. If we close our minds and give truth a place to dwell, there is no question we'll blow it out or proportion.
Basically...all in all, the human mind amazes me. Sometimes we want to just forget about things, but because we want to forget them so badly, we end up thinking about how much we want to forget them and then...WOAH! WE DON'T FORGET THEM! Sometimes we say we feel a certain way multiple times, and then once we really think we mean it. Then that I'm-not-so-sure feeling comes back. You DO care. But how can you show it if all the odds are pointing against you. You're too young. You don't look the right way. You don't engage in the right extra curricular activities. You're too old. (These, by the way, are just random things I'm throwing out there.) It's amazing.

Love, Life, and Laughter

One thing about me that some readers may not know is that I am an extremely religious person. I would simply DIE without the standards of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and wish I could be the best person I can be..ALL THE TIME. It's ridiculously easy for me to forget that if something's not okay...it's NOT OKAY. No justifying! Centered on religious views, I hope this post doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. If it does, I'm sorry, but remember, you read my blog. I'm not preaching to you or forcing you to read my beliefs.
During conversations with friends, the question "what is our purpose in this life?" has come up more than once. I know how I've replied to friends asking this question, but what about when I ask? Do I really believe what I tell my friends? Do I act in a way that exemplifies the answers I give? In the past few months..no. I have not. In the last couple of months I have thought about--and actually dressed--in ways I've always told people I never would. I've jeopardized friendships. I've thought of acting in ways I've always looked at as unacceptable. I've WANTED things I know I should not want at this point in my life. Why do I want these things? What do they have to do with having a successful and happy life?
Elder Neal A. Maxwell writes, "Words then issue, such as Why me? Why this? Why now? Of course, these words may give way to subsequent spiritual composure. Sometimes, however, such words precede bitter inconsolability, and then it is a surprisingly short distance between disappointment and bitterness." How often do we feel like this? How often do we question what God has in store for us? I know I do more often than not. I caught myself thinking "Why can't things just be like they used to be" the other day, and I thought of a scripture in Psalms that says something like "Do not inquire why are things not like they were in the past, for ye do not inquire rightfully knowing of these things." It says something like that...I can't find the verse right now, but it made me realize how often I do that.
What IS our purpose in life? President Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said, "Now, I wish to say a word to all who are here. It is simply a reminder of the obligation, the duty, each has to share with others the precious gospel of Jesus Christ." A prophet of the Lord, speaking the words of God, told us that it's our mission..even a DUTY to share the Gospel. Well then, it should be easy shouldn't it? The voice of the Lord telling us to share the Gospel. What's so hard about that?
Sharing the Gospel, in my opinion, is so much more than just..sharing the Gospel. It is a way of life and a way of example. A way of living the standards God set for us. My mom often tells me that by living the standards of the gospel that seem so strict and so unbelievably ridiculous to the rest of the world, we actually make ourselves free from the addictions and things that captivate the minds of people internationally. By living the word of wisdom we save ourselves health and generally live longer lives because our livers are not being eaten away by alcohol. Or maybe we have clear and healthy working lungs because we choose not to smoke. We don't believe, by any means, that people who do these things are bad people-- they are simply things we choose not to do. I love people of all religions. I have many friends of other faiths, I do NOT, in any way, think I am better than them in any way. I simply have a different way of life.
Now then, Elder Richard G. Scott of the quorum of the twelve apostles states, "These words express the most fundamental purpose of your being on earth:

'We will make an earth whereon these may dwell;

'And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;

'And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever'"

I'm sure many of us ask, "how can the purpose of life be to be tested, when President Hinckley said it was to share the Gospel?" I believe that by sharing the Gospel and living the standards, we are keeping with our first estate. Therefore, we kill two birds with one stone.
I feel like yesterday I had a realization. I came inside after going to a movie with some friends, and I had some wants that...well..I guess maybe I just shouldn't have wanted. I felt stupid and humiliated and wished I could erase the last few moments of the night, and felt deeply disoriented by decisions I'd made and feelings I chose to feel. I got down on my knees and prayed to Heavenly Father, (I pray every night, but I felt like this was the first time I tried to be genuine in a long time) and asked him to help me live the way he wants me to live. To do the things in this life he wants me to do. To be the person I know I can be. Outgoing, successful, spiritual, fun, kind, appreciative of appropriate and enjoyable books, music, and movies. I know I can be that person. I come to realize that and often forget it. I constantly need God to remind me who I am and why I'm here.
I love life. Sometimes I wonder why I'm such a dorkwad, and why I do the things I do. But you know what? I make mistakes, along with the rest of the world. I realize those mistakes and try to learn from them. I hope I've not offended anyone with this post. I hope I haven't given the impression that I fell members of the LDS church are better than anyone else, because I do not believe that in the slightest. The Declaration of Independence reads "we believe these truths to be self evident. That all men are created equal..." I believe that. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, and once again, I hope I haven't offended anyone. :-)

Happy 24th!

Pioneer day!! I know many who look at Pioneer Day and think to themselves, "Wow, this is a ridiculous excuse for a holiday..why are we celebrating pioneers?" Though many think of pioneers as the people who crossed the plains in extreme weather conditions, with worn shoes and clothes, we often overlook the pioneers of today.

There are many people in my life who I consider pioneers. A pioneer, by definition, may be someone who settled or entered a region for the first time, but I feel that a pioneer is also someone looked up to. Someone looked up to by everyone around them. Someone full of talent and fun. I can't even begin to count the number of people I know who fit this category, but I would like to recognize a just a few.



Meeshka! (yes the is the one being kissed :D)

Meeshka is a nick-name for my sister, Missy. We never really got along until a few years ago when she moved to BYU to go to college. You know that saying "You never know what you've got until it's gone?" Missy moving away gave new meaning to that for me. When she attended high school and I still went to Bonneville Elementary, Missy and I pushed each others buttons until we both went crazy. She always looked at me as the person who took her place as the baby and I always saw her as the mean older sister who didn't want anything to do with me. Now, however, Missy and I are BEST FRIENDS! Honestly, if someone were to ask me who my best friend is I would say Missy. I know it's cheesey to say your older sister, but it's only the truth. Missy isn't afraid to tell me if I'm being stupid (which I have been A LOT the last little while) and will help me even if I'm calling about a stupid boy problem at 1:00 A.M. on a school night. She always tells me when I need to shower because I smell terrible, and she tells me when I'm over reacting and helps me try to be less of a dramatic person. (those of you who know me well know I'm pretty good at being dramatic.) Though there are times when we don't exactly get along, Missy and I try to keep peace in our home, try to have fun hanging out with each other and making friends together. I love going to BYU to sleepover night and party with my sister. She may not have been the first person in the Salt Lake Valley, but she is the first person I turn to for help. She sets such a wonderful example to me of someone who keeps trying and does what she needs to to get the job done--no matter how hard it is!



Torio!

Tori Robison is someone I look up to whenever I feel like I just can't take one more step. There's a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell that says something like, "In the mutual climb on the straight and narrow path, sometimes we need friends shouting directions to us. But, sometimes it is the warm whispers that help us keep putting one foot in front of the other." Tori exhibits this quality of "giving a warm whisper" like no one I've ever met. Not by literally whispering in your ear, but by the way she walks the path of life. From the pain in her joints to the allergies to putting up with my insane bursts of hyper..ness..Tori keeps going and DOESN'T complain! One thing I know I do a lot is try to use support and sympathy from others to get through hard points in my life. In doing that I usually end up complaining and talking to everyone I know about how terrible this thing or that thing or the other thing are. She never does that. The most I've heard Tori complain about anything is "Ouch! My wrist hurts!!" It is by her amazing example that sometimes when I feel like I'm ready to give up I remember how easy she makes it look to keep going, and try to do the same.



Briiiiiiiiiiiiiigham!

Okay, now Brigham is one of those people who just makes everything good when everything's wrong! Ha, ever since the seventh grade, when we started going to school together, Brigham's been someone I've tried to live up to and be more like. His positivity shows that he loves life and has fun with whatever comes his way. We've had the same handshake for over a year now, and every time we see each other that's the first thing we do! *High ten!* *elbow!* *Bones!* *Blalalalalala!* Haha! For those of you who've seen it..you know what all that means..if not..use your imagination. It's epic. P.s. I DID start crying when I found out he was moving to Virginia :'(

Oh wow. I guess I should stop because if I don't stop somewhere this post will be...extremely long. Haha, I love all my friends and family members and look up to so many people. These are just a few who stood out to me at the moment. I hope some day I can live up to all of my friends and family, everyone sets such a wonderful example to me and I hope I can use each day to become closer and closer to as wonderful you guys are!